The book of my life (Clark's journal)
by gem6519
Summary: Clark never opened the journal that Lois had given him after his father died. But now he's decided to give it a try...
1. Journal Entry 1

_**SUMMARY:** Clark decides to keep a journal..._

_**AUTHOR:** gem65_

_**RATING:** PG-13_

_**DISCLAIMER:** I was inspired by Ana's story on about Lois keeping a diary so I decided to attempt one from Clarks point of view. So this is dedicated to her. Thank you Ana._

_Unlike my regular stories, the updates I do for it will be shorter - probably no more than two pages in word if that long. I'll see how it goes. It's ironic that I was just saying to someone a few days ago that I was going to hold off starting another story until I could end several of my current ones. But all of a sudden, I just had to start this one. I wish I could explain why but I can't. Oh well *sigh*_

**_JOURNAL ENTRY # 1_**

**_Kent Farm - Loft_**

**_7:30 P.M._**

_Dear...umm...what should I call you? (kicking off shoes) Or should I call you anything? (biting down on the pen) Well, since Lois is the one who gave me you, maybe I should just call you Lanie. Or how about Amber? (smiling to himself). I like that. Okay. Amber it is. If Lois ever found out I named you after her stripper name, she would take a fit. So I better make sure she never finds you. Now I have to think of a good place to hide you (stopping again to think). Maybe the fortress. She'll never find it there, considering that she doesn't know that it even exists yet. But that will change once I finally tell her my secret._

_My secret. The mother of all secrets. I know that Lois suspects that I have a secret. But unlike Lana, at least she doesn't put any pressure on me to tell her about it. That's one of the things I love about her._

_Love? Did I just write that I love her? (stopping again to read what he just wrote) Hum...that's interesting. But even if I do, it would be too soon to take the huge step of telling her. I thought we were only at the hand-holding stage, but apparently that went out the window when we were leaving work tonight. As soon as the elevator doors closed, she suddenly turns to me and grabs me by my jacket collar. Yep. She did what you think she did. She gave me such a passionate kiss that it literally sucked the oxygen out of me. Wow! (briefly setting down pen to remove tie) Just thinking about how her lips felt on mine is enough to give me a shiver up and down my back_

_Anyway (pausing for a moment, then resumes writing), where was I? Oh yeah, I was talking about how Lois kissed me tonight. I could go on and on about that kiss, but then I would probably be filling up all the pages of this journal._

_Well Amber, you're probably wondering what made me decide to finally start writing in you in the first place. To be honest, I had forgotten that Lois gave me you for a birthday present four years ago. But it was not long after my dad died and I wasn't really into expressing my feelings. She thought that since I kept things to myself that maybe it would help. I remember attempting a small smile, but froze when I saw the birthday card with my dad's handwriting on it. So that's why I forgot about you Amber. I was too wrapped up in my grief over his death to even think about you. And I'd apologize, but you're not actually a real person. You're just a book of blank pages; hoping to be filled by thoughts and feelings._

_But I digress. I went home right after Lois fled the bullpen that evening when we kissed and came up here to do some thinking. I wondered at first why she left the way she did. Was she scared of what it meant? I know it scared me a little. But yet the kiss felt so right. Just having her in my arms felt so right (sigh). I leaned back in my chair; closing my eyes for a moment. But all I could picture in my head was her sparkling hazel eyes. I opened the desk drawer to look for something and found you. I pulled you out and sat there; staring at you for a while. Then I remembered what she said that night and thought that maybe she was right. But I wouldn't admit it to her. She would get that "I told you so" smirk on her face. And I'm determined to avoid that look whenever possible._

_So that's when I decided to start writing in you. That was almost one month ago. But I didn't start until today. Now you're probably wondering why it took so long. Well I did have to deal with the whole 'Lois having flashes of the future' situation. And I wish her memories didn't have to be wiped out, but unfortunately it was necessary in this case._

_Her body was suffering trauma every time she had a future flash. And I couldn't bear to watch her suffer any more. But then something happened that caused those memories to be downloaded into me. I'd explain it, but it would take up too many pages. And it's a good thing she doesn't have them anymore. They depicted a horrible future where Zod was in charge and I was powerless. But the only memories about that future that were wonderful were the ones of Lois and I making love. I admit the thought of making love to Lois has occurred to me on more than one occasion. And I've been remembering those memories in my dreams ever since._

_Not long after that, we agreed to become a couple. Lois and Clark. Clark and Lois. I love the sound of that. I told her after she said that she's done the whole dating thing that we should do it right. Take our time. That's when she gave me her 'terms' but not before we stepped into the elevator to go out for a 'real cup of coffee' as she put it. Then as the elevator doors closed, she took my hand in hers. Our fingers intertwined in a most delightful way. I know I must have had a big smile on my face. But at that point, I didn't even care if anybody noticed._

_Well Amber, maybe I'll stop for now. I haven't had supper yet and I still have some farm chores to take care of. Not to mention giving Shelby his dinner (petting Shelby). I don't know when I'll be writing in you again, but I promise it won't be another month before I do so._

_Good night Amber._

_PS: I don't think I'll keep you in the fortress after all. I'll hide it somewhere in my bedroom for now._

_To Be Continued..._


	2. Journal Entry 2

_**JOURNAL ENTRY # 2** _

_**Kent Farm - Bedroom**  
**10:00 P.M.**_

_Hi Amber - or rather - good evening Amber. I like saying that name. I actually considered calling you 'Mad Dog' after Lois' favorite nickname (chuckling to himself). But I'm glad I decided to go with 'Amber.' I know I promised Lois that I would never tell anybody the story about the night that she acquired that nickname, but I think it's okay if I tell you. _

_About four years ago I was doing some investigating on behalf of my 'Uncle Jack' - a long-time friend of my fathers who was State Senator at the time and accused of frequenting a gentleman's club called The Windgate Club. There was a picture of him with a woman on his lap who was NOT his wife. I managed to get a pass from Lex and went to check it out. Now you're probably wondering who Lex is. He used to be a friend of mine when I was younger. Now he's supposedly dead. But knowing him...well...I'll tell you more about him at another time. _

_Where was I? Okay. So I went to the club and was escorted to 'Uncle Jack's' regular table. I was so uncomfortable being there because I was still so naive about those kind of places. I was only 18 at the time so that's probably why. Anyway, there were women on the stage dancing to suggestive music and using what they call a stripper pole. So there I am with my non-alcoholic beverage and fiddling around nervously with my collar when a voice over the sound system announced the next performer. He called her Amber Waves. The song "Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls comes on as this girl comes out wearing some skimpy sailor outfit; complete with hat and sunglasses. _

_She seemed a little nervous at first as she took off the short skirt and white top; revealing very short shorts and a sparkling red, white, and blue bra-like top. I didn't know why, but there was something oddly familiar about her body. Then she took off the hat and let down her long wavy hair - which was also familiar. So imagine my shock and surprise when she took off the sunglasses and it turned out to be Lois. My Lois. Of course she wasn't my Lois back then. We were barely friends at the time (smiling at the irony of that comment). _

_I couldn't believe my eyes. The Lois I knew who usually wore jeans and form-fitting shirts was wearing barely anything. And even though I was in love with Lana, I couldn't help but think how sexy she was. Then she grabbed onto the pole and spun around it; arching her back and thrusting her chest upwards. I remember pulling at my collar even more as she continued her dance. But then she froze in place when our eyes locked on each other. Just then the music began to fade away and she made her way down the stage stairs and walked over to where I was sitting. _

_She asked me why I was there; whispering in my ear. When I told her, she said that she and Chloe were doing the same thing. Then she suddenly walked around me and sat down in my lap; putting one arm around my shoulders. _

_If there was one time I wish that 'Clark Jr.' would stay asleep, it would have been that time. But she kept wriggling on my lap and rubbing up against my crotch. It took all the self-control I had to not to show any reaction to what she was doing to me. And it didn't help matters that her cleavage was practically in my face. And for a brief moment I wondered what it would be like to press my lips to her breasts. I felt guilty for having such thoughts about Lois because I was supposed to be in love with Lana. _

_So I put those thoughts away. Then she made a remark about how I was looking at her as if she was Jabba the Hutt. Well how was I supposed to look at her? Then she tells me to give her a $20 and meet her out back. I took out one and tried to stick it into her cleavage, but I just couldn't do it. So she grabs it and sticks it in herself, then gets off my lap and walks away. _

_That's the story behind your name Amber. There's actually more that happened that night, but it has nothing to do with the name. Although the next day when she moved into the Talon apartment she warned me that if I ever told anybody, she would 'out' my Elmer Fudd nightlight. I started to walk out, but just couldn't resist saying "Aye Aye...Sailor"; giving her a smile as I left. But as I was walking down the stairs, I happened to pick up a sound that I hadn't really noticed before. I paused on the stairs for a moment. Then I realized what it was. It was her heartbeat. It was beating a little faster than it should have. And it made me wonder if there was a small part of her that had a similar reaction to what happened that night. I know it was a crazy thought Amber, so once again I put it out of my head and continued on home (laying down pen for a moment to answer the phone). _

_I'm back Amber. Lois just called to say goodnight and to wish me pleasant dreams. Little does she know just how pleasant my dreams have become since we started dating. But someday soon we'll make those dreams a reality. And maybe she'll even give me a real lap dance (big smile on face). _

_I think I'll go to bed now. It's been a long day and I really should get some sleep. After all, New Year's is almost here and we're supposed to spend it together. I finally get to have a New Year's Eve kiss with the woman of my dreams. I can't wait. _

_Good night Amber. _

_To Be Continued... _


	3. Journal Entry 3

**_JOURNAL ENTRY # 3_**

_**Kent Farm - Kitchen**  
**2:00 A.M**_

_Happy New Year Amber!_

_I know it's pretty late, but I couldn't sleep (pausing to take a sip of warm milk). There's a million wonderful thoughts running through my head. I still can't believe it's the year 2010 already. And it's off to a great start so far. I got my New Year's Eve kiss (happy sigh). Actually, it turned out to be more than just a kiss. And it's not what you think. We ended up making out for a while before she started to yawn a little. I didn't take it personally though. Surprisingly she didn't put up a fuss when I lifted her up into my arms and carried her up to my bedroom; her head resting on my shoulder. I pulled back the comforter and laid her down, then covered her with it. I kissed her softly on the cheek, then came downstairs._

_I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep after that oh so nice make-out session - which by the way did me a world of good. So just before I came downstairs I pulled you out of the hiding place I had found for you. I'm sitting at the kitchen table right now; pondering what to write about next. I don't always have a way with words, but I'm sure that others would beg to differ._

_Like Lex for example. Back when we were still friends, I served as his Best Man for his first two weddings. I have to say that his taste in women was/is dubious at best. His first wife used her meteor power to convince him to marry her. Then his second wife tried to kill them on their honeymoon. Then he went on to marry Lana - who he had injected with hormones to make her believe she was pregnant. By that time we were no longer on speaking terms. I think I can honestly say that we were now sworn enemies._

_But I digress. For Lex's second wedding I had gone through so many books; trying to find something that fit. Something that would describe perfectly how Lex felt about Helen. But I couldn't find anything. So I just decided to speak from the heart._

_You probably want to know what I said. And believe it or not, I could still remember it word for word. Some things just stay with you. And that's one of them. So here it is Amber:_

_**I've been looking through every book from Socrates to Shakespeare; trying to find someone who can put into words the way Lex and Helen feel about each other. But what I realized is that there are no words for it. That when you have it you trust it. You believe in it. Take a chance on it. And you're willing to sacrifice anything to keep it. No matter what the cost.** _

_I'm reading these words and can't believe I actually said them. How on earth did I manage to come up with something so profound at such a young age? And most importantly, how could I have ever thought that what I had with Lana was real love? Boy was I naive. I looked back at our on again/off again relationship so many times that it used to make my head hurt._

_Then I finally realized that the words I spoke on that long-ago day were what I'm now feeling for Lois. I trust her. I believe in her. And I'm finally ready to take a chance with her. I'm sure if you were real you would be groaning right about now when I say that I can't help but think of that Barry Manilow song "Ready to take a chance again." There's a line he sings when his woman leaves him and he's in despair. That his hopes were all gone. Well if that doesn't describe how I felt when Lana left for the last time, then I don't know what else would. But then he goes on to sing that he finds someone else. And that someone else for me is Lois._

_Hold on Amber (closing book). I'm back (resuming writing). I heard Lois' footsteps and I didn't want her to find you. So I had to hide you until she went back up. I returned to where I was sitting and turned my head; watching as she came down the stairs. Apparently she decided she was going to wear my football jersey to sleep in. And even though I've seen her wear it before, it's different now because we're dating. And I have to say that she looks so damn sexy wearing it. She has such beautiful legs; long and shapely (sigh). And she has the cutest feet. It gives me thoughts of kissing her sexy toes and working my way up her body; not stopping until I make my way back to those luscious lips of hers._

_There are other things I want to do to her, but it'll have to wait until she says she's ready for it. After all, I did tell her that we could take it slow. Man that was a stupid thing to say. Why did I have to be such a gentleman? (pursing lips into a frown). We've known each other for over 5 years. How slow can we go anyway? I'd smack myself on the back of the head like Gibbs smacks DiNozzo on NCIS, but I wouldn't even feel it. Oh well..._

_Where was I? Oh yeah. She walked up behind me and wrapped her arms around me. "Couldn't sleep huh?" she whispered in my ear. Then she came around to the front of my chair and sat down on my lap; straddling my thighs. That's when 'Clark Jr.' decided to wake up. She was wriggling a little on my lap; pressing up against my crotch. She knew what she was doing all right. She's no dummy._

_Then she began kissing my neck. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed her soft kisses on my skin. It was so nice. Actually, it was more than nice. I just love the way it made me feel. Then I felt her hands slip under my tee-shirt. I almost died right then and there when her fingers found my nipples and began to play with them. I'm feeling a tingle right now just thinking about it. I guess she's decided to take our relationship to the next level. Not actual sex, but still..._

_Well...that's what we did for about 20 minutes before she got up from my lap. But before she went back upstairs, she whispered one more thing to me. Now I bet you're wondering what she said. Maybe I shouldn't tell you. After all I am a gentleman and I don't reveal such things._

_NOT!_

_What she said was that she hoped I enjoyed the lap dance and that I should look forward to a lot more of them. But in return she wants me to do some strip teases for her when we do make love. I whipped around suddenly in my chair and stared at her wide-eyed. She gave me a wink and went back upstairs before I could even respond._

_I sat there for a couple minutes; stunned by her announcement. But once I got over the shock of it, I decided that if that's what I have to do, then of course I have to do it (big grin on face). And I even know the perfect song for my 'debut.' But I think I'll keep that bit of information to myself for now. Who'd have thought that Clark Kent would actually look forward to doing such a thing? I'm not even nervous at the prospect of making love with Lois. Can you believe that? All the time I was with Lana I was afraid of being with her when I had my powers. Yet somehow it's different with Lois. But I still want to be careful when we have our first time though - just to make sure I can control them._

_Didn't I tell you that the year was off to a great start? I got my New Year's Eve kiss AND a lap dance. Not to mention the promise of making love soon to the woman I'm falling more and more in love with every day. Yes I'm finally admitting it._

_I LOVE LOIS LANE._

_I promise you Amber that I will tell Lois how I feel really soon. But first there's the small matter of my secret. I have to tell her that first before I tell her I love her. But I'm feeling more and more confident that she'll react like I think she will when I finally do tell her._

_I can't help but feel that 2010 is going to be a great year for me. And Lois will get the surprise of her life. She won't even know what hit her (big grin still on face)._

_Well, that's all for now. I'm going upstairs now and curl up next to my lovely girlfriend and go to sleep. So good morning Amber. After all, it is New Year's Day (closing book)._

_To Be Continued..._


	4. Journal Entry 4

**_JOURNAL ENTRY # 4_**

_**Kent Farm - Living room**  
**9:00 P.M.**_

_Hi Amber. I know it's been over a week since I last wrote in you, but I'll make up for not writing sooner. I have something on my mind and just need to get it out. I'd tell Lois -but she doesn't know my secret yet. I was going to tell her right after New Year's, but then she was assigned a story in Connecticut about some melee that occurred at one of their shopping malls a few days after Christmas. So our editor decided to send Lois to do a follow-up story about security at various malls. I offered to go with her, but he shot down that idea; assigning me another story instead. Oh well...maybe next time *shrugging shoulders*._

_I miss her like crazy - especially her sweet kisses, but she should be back sometime tomorrow evening. So now we have a week's worth of kissing to make up for *big smile on face* I had also promised to pick her up at the airport. So if anything happens that requires The Blur, I've already asked Oliver to fill in for me. There's no way that I will NOT be there when she steps off the plane. I will not make THAT mistake again. I learned my lesson._

_But that's not what's on my mind right now. It has to do with Chloe. Now I know I haven't mentioned her yet - but she has been one of my best friends since high school. We've been through so much together. Believe it or not, she was the first girl I ever kissed. Actually, she's the one who initiated the kiss. She had said to me that she knew I was thinking about it all day and thought we'd get it out of the way and just be great friends. And for a long time that's exactly the kind of relationship we had._

_But lately there's been a kind of tension between us. I'm not sure of the exact moment when things began to change, but it might have been around the time of the Davis Bloom/Doomsday fiasco at her wedding to Jimmy._

_Jimmy. I really miss him *wistful look on face* And even though she doesn't talk about him a lot, I know she really misses him. How do I know that? Well whenever we go out and she sees someone taking a picture, she gets this wistful look on her face. That's when I take her hand and just hold it in mine. She manages a small smile and we continue on our way; still holding hands. It feels so right to hold her hand. Jimmy used to always say that Lois and I had chemistry. And he was right. He even figured out that I was The Blur at the end. He had such a look of awe in his eyes. It really warmed my heart to see that expression on his face. And if Davis Bloom hadn't killed him, I know that he wouldn't have said 'told you so' when Lois and I finally got together. That's just the kind of guy he was. The best thing about Jimmy was how normal I felt when I was around him. And now it feels so strange to refer to him in the past tense *sigh* He didn't deserve to die like that *frown on face*_

_Well...back to what I was saying about Chloe. After Jimmy died, I blamed myself for what happened to him. And then Lois went missing. I searched everywhere - and I mean EVERYWHERE for her. But I couldn't find her I believed that it was my humanity that got Jimmy killed and caused Lois to go missing. So I decided to leave everybody else behind. And that included Clark Kent. Clark Kent was dead._

_I was gone for over three weeks; finally having begun my training with Jor-el, but couldn't quite leave everything behind. I needed to take care of Shelby. After all, who else was going to do it?_

_But little did I know that Chloe had installed video cameras and listening devices all over the house to keep an eye on things while I was gone. And while I understand why she did it, there was absolutely no reason for her to continue listening in when I returned home. When I confronted her with it, she gave me some excuse that while on the surface makes sense - but when you really think about it, the fact of the matter is that she went too far._

_Well after that, things between us weren't quite the same. But I thought that finally we had turned a corner when Lois and I did the interview for the television job. She got a big kick out of the fact that our first segment had to do with online dating. And she was the one who told me that she would keep an eye on the Kandorians. She even said that there were other things I should concentrate on. I knew exactly what - or rather who - she was talking about._

_So that's what I did. I focused my attention on the online dating story that Lois and I were working on. When it was her turn to meet with her blind date, she asked me how she looked. I stared at her image on the monitor before answering. I told her how beautiful she looked. I think I even said something about her being Prom Queen. I felt like the Blur; speaking to Lois from behind a microphone - except this time there was no voice modulator. It was my own voice expressing my feelings for her. I finally felt like I had made progress with Lois about that second date. But then the unexpected happened._

_Oliver showed up as Lois' date and told her he loved her. That son of a b*tch! *pausing to look at what he just wrote* Maybe I shouldn't have written that Amber. But it is my journal after all. I can write anything I want in it. So it's staying *determined look on face* Anyway, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How could he do something like that knowing that I had feelings for Lois? That's when I began to feel a funny ache in my chest. Then Lois abruptly got up and left the room; pulling Oliver along with her. I had to put my feelings aside about what Oliver had done when they were nearly killed on that rooftop. I caught that bullet a couple of inches in front of his forehead. We stared at each other for what seemed like hours, but it was only a second. Then I sped away; watching from afar as Lois embraced Oliver. Well that's when that ache in my chest got even worse. I felt that somehow I had lost the chance to end up with the woman I had come to care deeply for._

_I went to see Chloe to talk to her about what she found out about the Kandorians. She noticed that I was not exactly in a cheerful mood. I started to say that I wouldn't interfere with Lois and Oliver, but Chloe wouldn't hear of it. She reminded me about how I was always sacrificing what I wanted in order to help others. Then she asked me a very simple question. What did I want? Well I knew what I wanted. So I walked over to her and gave her a big hug; thanking her for her advice. Then I sped back to the Daily Planet. You already know what happened next so I won't repeat myself *smiling at the thought*_

_That's why I thought our relationship was getting back on track. But this morning I had to fix a leaky pipe under the kitchen sink. And that's when I saw it. I put down the wrench and pulled out a brand new listening device. I sat down on the floor for a long time; staring at that bug in my hand. I couldn't believe it. And after what I already told her about violating my privacy *frown on face* If I think about it, Chloe has always stuck her nose in where it doesn't belong. Well now she had gone way too far._

_I went to Watchtower in order to confront her with what I found, but found no sign of her there. Then I saw images on some of the monitors that stopped me cold. I saw my kitchen, the living room, even the loft. I stared at the monitors; not realizing that Chloe had come back into the room. I only turned around when I saw her reflection in one of them. I asked her how could she continue to violate my privacy like that. I also accused her of bugging my phones. She denied it of course, but I removed one that I had found from my jacket pocket and showed it to her. Well the guilt was all over her face. She continued to claim that she was only keeping an eye on me because of Lois._

_Now she shouldn't be bringing Lois into this. Well she started to talk about how it would be so much easier if I would just tell Lois my secret. That's when I really got mad and told her in no uncertain terms that it was my decision as to when I would tell Lois. I also told her that I could take care of myself and didn't need 'Big Brother' - or rather - 'Big Sister' watching me 24/7. I sped out of there and came back home._

_So now you're up to date Amber. It pained me to speak to Chloe like that, but it was necessary. I'm not the naive farm boy she once knew. I've finally grown up - and I will no longer allow anyone to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing. I can make my own decisions just fine. I no longer make decisions on a whim. I always got into trouble that way. Now I take the time to examine all the angles before acting. I think it's due to the fact that I finally started my training with Jor-el. I was an idiot for not starting it a long time ago. I had my Lana blinders on for far too long *putting pen down to answer the house phone*_

_I'm back Amber. That was Lois. She just called to say her plane just landed. I was stunned. I could have sworn her flight was coming in tomorrow night. She told me that she finished her story early and just decided to come home. She said that she missed me but that she would see me in the morning. I asked her if she needed a ride, but she replied that she would call a taxi as soon as she got off the plane. I started to say something but then heard a dial tone. She had already hung up. I stared at the phone for a moment, then made a decision. I was going to pick her up at the airport as planned - but with one exception._

_I was going to be there when she stepped off the plane._

**_To Be Continued..._**


	5. Journal Entry 5

**_JOURNAL ENTRY # 5_**

_**Kent Farm - bedroom**  
**6:00 A.M. (the next morning)**_

_I arrived at the airport about 5 seconds later. It took me that long because I had to put on some regular clothes and not just what I usually wore to bed. Now I'm sure you're wondering what it is Amber. And I know that Lois wonders too. But she'll find out sooner or later - hopefully sooner. But I will tell you. Boxers. That's it. And not Snoopy boxers either *rolling eyes* I haven't worn Snoopy boxers since I was in high school. But you can't convince Lois of that. She thinks I still wear them *chuckling* On the other hand, she doesn't know that I know what kind of underwear she wears. And to think she wants ME to do a strip tease. I'll just have to get her to do one. Now THAT should be VERY interesting *smiling to himself* _

_Until we started dating, it was sweatpants and a tee-shirt. But then I started having those dreams about Lois. You know which ones Amber. The ones about us making love. Well whenever I woke up from having one of those dreams, I found myself getting all hot and sweaty *wiping forehead*. So that's why. I thought about sleeping naked, but I guess I'm still somewhat reserved about that kind of thing. I really should work on it. I'm sure that Lois wouldn't mind helping me out *smiling to himself*. She has no inhibitions at all when it comes to her body. _

_I remember the night I went over to her apartment to warn her about Graham. All you really need to know about him is that Lois was supposed to have a date with him. It turned out he was an assassin Amber. A cold-blooded killer. Anyway, I was about to open the door when suddenly it swings open and there she stood holding a hairbrush. _

_Naked. Wet. _

_I couldn't believe my eyes. Her eyes widened in horror, then she promptly slammed the door in my face. I stood there frozen to the spot I was standing in. The image of how her skin glistened with droplets of water became burned into my memory. It was yet one of those things that I had to put away deep in the recesses of my mind. Do you know what I'd do if it were to happen now? First I would grab that hairbrush out of her hand and toss it away. Then I would pull her into my arms and capture her lips with mine. Then my hands would wander down to that very shapely a** of hers. Do you want me to go on? Because if I did, then this journal would have to be rated NC-17 *laughing to himself* _

_Guess I got a little sidetracked *looking at what he just wrote* I'll come back to that later. I have to tell you what happened when I arrived at the airport. I waited for her to descend the stairs from the airplane to the tarmac. I have to admit that I was a little nervous about how she was going to react to the news that I was the Blur. Then I saw her making her way down the stairs. She glanced up and saw me standing there; her eyes widening with disbelief. She just stood there and stared back at me. I know what was probably going through her mind. She was wondering 'how on earth did he get here so fast?' She finally moves when somebody behind her nudges her to continue. So she finally makes it to the tarmac and slowly makes her way through the crowd of people; not stopping until she reaches me. _

_The first thing out of her mouth was not that she missed me. It was what I thought she'd say. She asked me how I got there so fast. Well, here's where I could either chicken out and make up yet another lie, or just tell her the truth. So I told her that I ran from Smallville to Metropolis. _

_She stared at me for a moment, then burst out laughing. "Good one Smallville," she said. I was tempted to laugh along with her, but decided it was time to be serious. So she asked me again. And again I gave her the same answer. Now she's starting to get a little annoyed. "That's not funny," she says; a frown on her face. Then there's an announcement telling the passengers that their luggage was ready for pick-up. She abruptly walks away from me and heads for the luggage carousel. She reaches it and is surprised to see me standing there. I told her that I already claimed her suitcase. She looks around and says she doesn't see it. I held back a smirk as I told her I had already brought it back to the farm. Well now she's dumbfounded. Then she says that the only way that could possibly happen is if I were the Blur._

_I didn't reply to her comment. Instead I walked over to her and took her hand. "Come with me," I said as I lead her out of the terminal. I lifted her up into my arms and told her to hold on tight. I took a quick look around to make sure nobody was watching, then super sped us back to the farm._

_"NOW do you believe me?" I asked her; pointing to her suitcase. "I need to sit down," she said. I set her down and watched as she walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. She stared up at me as I came into the living room and sat down on the coffee table in front of her. She still wasn't saying anything. I was really starting to get worried. It's not like Lois to be so quiet. After about 10 minutes of a staring contest between us, she finally broke the silence with THE question._

_Are you the Blur?_

_I hate to admit this Amber, but part of me almost chickened out. But I told myself not to fall back into old habits. Lois needs to know about me so that there wouldn't be any more secrets between us. I can't let what happened with Lana happen with Lois. I just can't. I couldn't go through that again. Because this time there's more at stake. Every day I feel more and more that she is my soul mate. If I thought I was devestated the last time Lana left...well...losing Lois would be a 100 times worse - maybe even a 1,000. In fact, there's really no number high enough to describe how much worse it would be._

_Lois was waiting patiently for me to speak. And that's yet another thing I love about her. She may be pushy when it comes to her work, but she has never pressured me in personal areas - unlike Lana. I looked into her beautiful hazel eyes and finally gave her the answer to her question._

_I am the Blur._

_She didn't say anything at first. She continued to gaze at me for what seemed like a long time. I was holding my breath waiting for...what? What will she say when she finally speaks? Then she smiled at me and took my hands in hers. And what she said absolutely floored me._

_I love you._

_Yes Amber. That's exactly what she said. She didn't ask me a million questions. She didn't ask me where my abilities came from. Nope. She told me she loved me. And you know what I said? I told her I loved her too. Then our lips met in a very passionate kiss like the one we shared in the bullpen at the Planet. Except this time she didn't run away from me. When our lips finally pulled apart, I told her that I wanted to tell her everything. But she put one finger over my mouth and said something that was typical Lois. _

_Can you tell me tomorrow? I'm really tired and I need some sleep._

_I couldn't help but laugh at what she said. Then she started laughing. Then she asked if the Blur was ticklish. Before I could react, she slipped her hands under my tee-shirt and started tickling me. Well I had to get her back Amber. So I promptly slipped my hands under her shirt and returned the favor. I ended up pinning her down on the couch so she couldn't tickle me anymore. _

_She started to say something when I laid my lips on the base of her throat and proceeded to kiss her across her shoulders. I could feel her body begin to relax beneath me as I kissed my way down to where her cleavage starts. I continued to kiss her skin as I unbuttoned every button. And to my delight she was wearing that red bra I found that night. I looked down at her and told her that I just love red. She smiled up at me and said that it wasn't the only thing red she was wearing. I wanted to go further but I could tell that she really was tired. So I got off her and lifted her into my arms and carried her upstairs to my bedroom. I gave her a few minutes privacy so that she could change into my football jersey. Then I changed into my sleepwear of choice. Yep. Lois Lane finally found out what Clark Kent wears to bed. Then she surprised me again. She said that she wouldn't have minded if they were Snoopy boxers. Can you believe it? *shaking head in astonishment*_

_Well, that's all for now. I'll be back soon and tell you how the whole 'intergalactic traveler' conversation went. See you later Amber._

**_To Be Continued..._**


	6. Journal Entry 6

**_JOURNAL ENTRY # 6_**

_**Kent Farm - bedroom**  
**8:00 P.M. (That evening)**_

_This has been a very interesting day Amber. I know I already wrote in you this morning - but that was before Lois woke up. I had every intention of telling her the rest of my secret this morning over breakfast, but it didn't turn out that way. _

_You're probably wondering what happened. Well I'll tell you in one word._

_Lana._

_That's right. She just showed up all of a sudden - just as Lois and I were sitting down to breakfast. Of course Lois wasn't exactly thrilled. And to be quite honest, I wasn't thrilled either. I have finally gotten over Lana and she chooses to come back now. She sure has impeccable timing that's for sure. If she hadn't shown up at Chloe's wedding, Lois and I would have kissed and we'd be further along in our relationship than we are now. Of course I also blame myself for what happened at the wedding. But that's water under the bridge now._

_She said that she wanted to talk. Fine, I said. So Lois decided to give us a little privacy. She left to go back to her apartment at the Talon so that she could take care of all the stuff that piled up while she was out of town. I wished she hadn't gone. I could have used her support. But I knew I had to be strong. _

_She told me that Dr. Grohl had been successful in extracting the kryptonite from her body. She thought it was a good thing. She was actually under the impression that I would just take her back like that *snapping fingers* But she was wrong. So wrong. That's when I told her the truth._

_I told her that I was in love with Lois. _

_You should have seen the expression on her face Amber. She was in complete and total shock. She couldn't believe it. So what does she do? She walks up to me and has the nerve to try and kiss me. Of course I pushed her away. I had just told her I was in love with Lois and she tries to kiss me? I stared at her for a moment and finally got it through my thick skull that she was no longer that sweet innocent girl I fell for all those years ago. The little girl in the fairy princess costume was gone. That girl would have never taken up with Lex, or trap Chloe in the wine cellar to find out my secret. There are many other things, but they're too numerous to mention. _

_Looking at her now I wondered once again why I ever thought that we would end up together. I was an idiot. I was a BDA. Now you're probably wondering what that means, Amber. It stands for 'Big dumb Alien.' It's a term I came up with for myself whenever I've done something really stupid - like taking Lana back after that DVD she left for me. Nobody knows about it - not even Chloe or anyone else who knows my secret. So to them I'm just an 'Intergalactic traveler.'_

_I walked over to the kitchen door and opened it. I told her that she should leave. She tried once more to kiss me, but I stepped back away from her. I actually told her that she had to get it through her head that I didn't want her anymore. And if she can't accept that, then it's just too damn bad. _

_She stared at me...well...actually glared is more like it. She paused in the open doorway and looked back at me. Now you won't believe what she said next. She said that she'll come back when I've gotten over my 'crush' on Lois. That's when I said that she should never come back then because it's not just a 'crush' I have on Lois. I told her that Lois was the love of my life. She scoffed at that and said that it won't work out because Lois doesn't know my secret. Well Amber, that's when I really let her have it. I said to her that Lois already knows my secret. Well that's when her eyes really bulged out of their sockets._

_Okay Amber, I know that Lois doesn't know my entire secret. Yet. She does know I'm The Blur though. But Lana doesn't need to know that *smiling to himself* Then without another word she super sped out the door and out of my life once again._

_I slowly closed the door and sat down at the kitchen table. I let go of a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. I felt such a relief; almost as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It felt so damn good. Then I heard a voice asking me about the big smile on my face. _

_I looked up to see Lois standing there. I was so happy to see her smiling face that I jumped out of the chair and pulled her into my arms for a big hug. She laid her head against my chest and closed her eyes. It felt so good to hold her. Then she pulled away and told me that she had something to confess. I know I must have had a puzzled look on my face because she looked at me curiously. So I asked her what it was. And then she told me._

_She was listening outside the door the entire time._

_I stared at her for a moment. Now normally I would be a little ticked off about somebody invading my privacy like that. But then I thought that I would probably do the same thing if an ex-boyfriend of hers came to see her. Jealously and insecurity strikes again *sigh* So I told her that I understood why she did it. She seemed relieved to hear that. Then she smiled and told me that there was one more thing. I asked her what the one more thing was. You want to know what she said Amber? I'll tell you what she said._

_So how about that secret you were going to tell me - huh Smallville?_

_I smiled when I said that she may not be calling me Smallville anymore when I tell her. She asked me what else would she be calling me. That's when I said it._

_I'm an 'Intergalactic Traveler.'_

_Hold on Amber *putting down the pen for a moment* I hear Lois' footsteps. I'll tell you the rest tomorrow. *closing book*_

**_TO BE CONTINUED..._**


	7. Journal Entry 7

**_JOURNAL ENTRY # 7_**

_**Kent Farm - bedroom**  
**6:00 A.M. (next morning)**_

_Okay Amber, so let me tell you what happened next. I had just said to Lois that I was a 'Intergalactic Traveler.' Now she's staring at me with a perplexed expression on her face. Then she asks me what did I mean by that. So being a smart aleck I asked her what did she think it meant. That's when she started to get a little annoyed with me. I can always tell by the way her brow furrows; not to mention the cute little way her lips pucker up into a frown. It just made me want to..._

_Where was I? *Giving himself a mental shake* Okay. Lois was getting annoyed with me. But what else was new? *shrugging shoulders* So now I'm getting a little nervous. I don't know why, but I guess it's a force of habit *sigh* Then she tells me what she thinks it meant. I remember my stomach twisting up even more as she blurted out those words._

_Are you an alien from another planet?_

_It's just so typical Lois to blurt it out like that. The words seemed to echo as we stared at each other. So many times I went over and over in my head exactly how this conversation should go. But I wasn't prepared for it to go like this. So what did I say? I'll tell you what I said._

_I said that I preferred to be called an 'Intergalactic Traveler' as opposed to 'Alien.'_

_She stared intently at me; almost as if she was seeing me for the first time. I wondered what she was thinking. What was going through that mind of hers. I mean, I tell her I'm The Blur and she says she loves me. Now I'm admitting to being an 'IT'. What will she say to that? *thinking about it for a minute* Nah. She probably wouldn't say it *sigh* Now she hasn't said another word since she asked that question. I don't know if it's because she's stunned by the news, or if she's only being quiet to keep me on edge. That's something she just loves to do. She just loves to get under my skin like only she can. _

_I couldn't stand it anymore. I finally blurted out, "Aren't you going to say ANYTHING?"_

_She finally asks me what did I expect her to say. I said that I had no idea because she was the first person I ever willingly told my secret to. That's when her face softened; a smile beginning to form. She laid one hand on my cheek. But the other one? Yep. She did what I thought she'd do._

_She gave me one of her 'Lois' punches on my upper arm._

_That's what she did. Then she told me that she should be mad at me for not telling her sooner. But she understands why I held off. I was curious as to what she thought my reason was. So I asked her. And she told me that she thought I wanted to protect her from trouble. She then asked me if she was right. So I reluctantly admitted that she was right. But then she does a flip flop and punches me again. "Don't you know me by now Smallville?" she says; shaking her head at me. I told her that I know her very well. Well she replies that if I really did, then I should have known that she has a knack for getting into trouble anyway - with or without me. And once she put it that way, I couldn't help but laugh. I guess I hadn't really thought about it like that._

_She started laughing too. So I took her hand and lead her into the living room; sitting down on the couch. She sits down next to me and lays her head on my shoulder. I told her I felt such a relief that I finally told her my secret. Then I proceeded to tell her the rest of it; starting with my memory of my birth parents placing me in the spaceship. I didn't stop talking until I got to the part about her trip to the future. To her credit, she didn't say a word during my entire narrative. Once I finished, however, she did say something that made me smile._

_I should have known you were from another planet because nobody - and I mean NOBODY - kisses like you._

_That's when I told her something I had forgotten to tell her. I told her that I was the one she kissed in the alley that night. "THAT WAS YOU?" staring incredulously at me. Then she punched me again. I asked her what did she do that for. And she told me that she feels so embarrassed. I asked her why. She said that she was going on and on about how Green Arrow could teach Ollie a thing or two about kissing. And there I was just standing there; knowing that I was the one she had kissed and not telling her about it. _

_Then she wags her finger at me and warns me never to do that again. "Do What?" I said oh so innocently; a slightly smug expression on my face. Then she gets that look in her eyes when she's planning something devious. She gets up from the couch and without a word, goes into the kitchen. Now I'm beginning to wonder exactly what she's up to. She returns a few minutes later with a big bowl of popcorn and sits back down on the couch. Then she asks me to remove the coffee table. Now I'm really starting to get worried. So I did what she asked. I started to sit back down, but she stopped me. She pulled out the remote and points it at the stereo. The song 'Fever' begins to play. I asked her what was going on. And now you won't believe what her reply was, Amber._

_Okay Smallville. A lot less talking and a lot more stripping._

_Excuse me? I couldn't believe what I just heard. She goes on to say that since she gave me a lap dance - that I owed her a strip tease. Then she crossed her legs and began to eat her popcorn; a smug expression on her face._

_I stared at her for a moment, then made a decision. If she wanted a strip tease, then a strip tease she will get *devilish grin on face* _

_*Stops writing for a moment, then resumes* I'll give you all the juicy details later Amber. But what I can tell you right now is that I'll never look at my dad's old recliner in the same way again *stops writing again* Looks like Lois is beginning to wake up - and based on the fact that her hand is quickly moving up my inner thigh, I have a sneaking suspicion that she'll want a repeat of last night *quickly hiding journal* _

_**TO BE CONTINUED...** _


	8. Journal Entry 8

_**JOURNAL ENTRY # 8**_

_**Kent Farm - Outside on the porch**_

_**10:00 A.M. (a few hours later)**_

_I can't remember the last time I felt this happy *big dopey grin on face* It is such a beautiful morning. And yes I'm aware of the fact that it's pouring rain right now. But you know what Amber? I really don't give a damn *pausing to look out at the rain* I just feel too good to let a little rain bother me. The sun's in my heart and that's all I care about *pausing to read what he just wrote* Why does that sound familiar? I don't know *shrugging shoulders* Anyway, watching the rain just makes me feel like... *stops writing to run out into the driveway* _

_Singing in the rain. Just singing in the rain. What a glorious feeling, I'm happy again. I'm laughing at clouds, so dark up above. The sun's in my heart and I'm ready for love... _

_*Comes back and resumes writing* I know that was corny Amber. And if you were a real person you would probably be rolling your eyes right now and staring at me as if I were nuts. But the weird thing is that I don't think that Lois would think anything of it. You know why? Because when she left this morning, I heard her singing to herself as she walked out the door. Besides, we have danced in the rain *smile on his face* Anyway, I just can't keep these feelings inside anymore. I have to let them out *singing again*_

_...Let the stormy clouds chase everyone from the place, come on with the rain I've a smile on my face. I walk down the lane with a happy refrain, just singing, singing in the rain..._

_I'm sure you've already guessed what happened. And if you haven't, then I would be smacking you on the back of the head right about now. I know you probably want some details, so I'll give them to you. Just don't expect NC-17. Ha ha. _

_Well Amber, Lois and I finally made love last night and it was everything I hoped it would be *contented sigh* Now if I were a normal human being, I would have been worn out *blushing a little* I had no idea that Lois was so flexible. Must be the yoga. If Lois saw me right now, she would say that I was the only man alive who could make blushing sexy. After all, she did say it to me last night - after the 4th time of course. Or was it the 5th time? I can't remember for sure. But then again, I wasn't the only one who was blushing. I made sure of that all right. Especially those twins of hers. I really should come up with a name for them *blushing even more* _

_I'm getting ahead of myself. I should probably talk about the strip tease first. Okay, so here goes nothing..._

_I had never done this before so I was a little nervous at first. But gazing into her lovely hazel eyes gave me some much needed confidence. So I started by unbuttoning my shirt. I took my time; keeping my eyes fixed on hers. I could see that she was starting to get excited. So when I got to the last button, I shrugged my shoulders and the shirt fell to the floor. Actually 'floated' was more like it. Then I slowly unbuckled my belt and slipped it out of the loops of my pants; dropping it to the floor. _

_She put the bowl of popcorn to the side and was starting to squirm a little. I turned my back to her and began to subtly shake my ass; looking over my shoulder at her. Well that really got her. I turned back around and saw her eyes widen as I moved my hands behind my head and continued with my little dance. So then I lowered one of my hands to the zipper of my pants and slowly pulled it all the way down. Now she was squirming even more. I could hear how fast her heartbeat was going. Thank goodness for super hearing. Anyway, I slipped my fingers into the waistband and pushed them off my hips; allowing them to fall to the floor. _

_I kicked them off and stood there in front of her; wearing only my cherry print boxers. Yes, you heard right Amber. I found them by chance the other day when I went to the store to buy some new ones. And there they were. I couldn't believe it. So of course I grabbed them; thinking that Lois would get a kick out of them. After all, she is my wild cherry. No more bland vanilla for me. And by the look on her face...well...I think it's safe to say that she did. She couldn't stop staring at my crotch; which turned me on even more. I could feel 'Clark Jr.' coming to life and he wanted some action._

_I hesitated for a moment; pondering what to do next. Then I grabbed her hand and pulled her close to me. She was a little surprised to say the least. I turned her around so that her back was resting against my chest. By now we were standing in front of the mirror on the wall. Then I pulled off her sweater; revealing her lacy dark blue bra. I whispered in her ear that I hoped she was wearing the matching panties. She blushed when she said that she wasn't. _

_I have to admit I was a little disappointed at first. But then she whispered back that I should take off her jeans and find out what she really was wearing. Of course I was very intrigued by what she said, so that's what I did. I unzipped her jeans and slowly pulled them down her body. She was moaning ever so softly as my fingers caressed her skin. And she was wearing a matching lacy dark blue thong. Now how did she know I loved thongs? *chuckling to himself* _

_I turned her around to face me. I moved my fingers from her waist to the clasp of her bra; unhooking it. Then I inserted them underneath the straps and removed her bra. And even though I've seen her breasts once before, this time was very different. That time, she slammed the door in my face. But this time I didn't just look at them. I touched them. And not just with my fingers either._

_There was so much desire reflected in her eyes. She couldn't keep them off me. She was actually quivering as I kissed and touched her breasts. Then I knelt down in front of her and began kissing her stomach *wiping forehead* I felt her fingers caressing my scalp as I slowly slid that thong all the way down to her ankles; pulling them off completely._

_I stood up and kissed her softly; my hands gently cupping her head. Then she got down on her knees and inserted her fingers inside the waistband. I felt myself quivering under the soft kisses she placed on my inner thighs as she slid those cherry print boxers down my legs and pulled them off._

_I sat down on the recliner and pulled her onto my lap. She straddled my thighs as I gazed into her eyes and told her how much I loved her. I also told her I needed for us to go slowly at first. When she asked me why, I told her about how I had never made love when I had my powers and wasn't sure what would happen. She was so understanding about it. She said she could do slow. Whatever it took for me to feel comfortable. Just her saying that made me fall more in love with her if that were even possible._

_So we began to kiss. And we kissed for a while. We were in no rush. We both wanted to take our time exploring each other's bodies. Our hands were moving all over the place. I touched her in places I had never touched a woman before. And she touched me in places I've never been touched. I felt as if I had never made love before. What I had with Lana doesn't even come close to what I now have with Lois. It was a pale imitation of what real love is. And I never thought I'd ever say that. But I am._

_I never thought in a million years that I would ever write these kinds of thoughts in a journal. But there's just something so...freeing about it. You can say whatever you feel like saying. So if I want to write about how it felt to kiss Lois on her inner thighs, I can. If I want to describe how I did things to her that I never did with Lana, I can do that too. I could even talk about all the new sensations I felt when I was inside her. But maybe I'll keep those particular details to myself. As it is, this entry is already borderline PG-13. _

_I will tell you that the recliner wasn't the only place we made love last night. We also made use of the kitchen table, the upstairs shower, and of course the bedroom. And when she gets back from running her errands, I'll bring her up to the hayloft and have my way with her there too. Let me see...where else can we go...hum... Oh yeah. The laundry room. I could set her down on the washing machine while it's in the spin cycle. Yeah. That'll work. Or how about up against a wall? I've never done that before *smiling to himself* Now if only I could fly *sigh* That would be amazing. We could join the mile-high club without needing a plane. I really should work on that flying thing *determined look on face* I could even spread out a blanket in the back of my truck and we could make love under the stars *thinking for a moment* How could I have forgotten the fortress? Of course *smacking himself on the forehead* So many possibilities. Nothing is off limits *still smiling*_

_There's one more thing I forgot to mention Amber. She did the cutest thing when she woke up this morning. She looked up at me and said "Hey you" with the sweetest expression on her face. Now I remember her saying it that night I was infected by the red-k in that lipstick of hers. At the time, I didn't have these kind of feelings for her. But now I absolutely love it. So I just had to reward her by reintroducing myself to 'Little Lanie' *smiling to himself* _

_I see her car coming, so I better put you away before she sees you. I'm not sure if I'll be seeing you tomorrow Amber. I have a feeling that Lois and I are going to be pretty busy for the next few days. Maybe I could get her to call in sick on Monday and we could stay in bed all day. Yeah. I like the sound of that. Which reminds me, I better go inside and make some ice cubes for later *closing book and going inside*_

_**TO BE CONTINUED... **_

_**SINGING IN THE RAIN - GENE KELLY**_

_I'm singing in the rain  
Just singing in the rain  
What a glorious feelin'  
I'm happy again  
I'm laughing at clouds  
So dark up above  
The sun's in my heart  
And I'm ready for love  
Let the stormy clouds chase  
Everyone from the place  
Come on with the rain  
I've a smile on my face  
I walk down the lane  
With a happy refrain  
Just singin',  
Singin' in the rain_

_Dancin' in the rain  
Dee-ah dee-ah dee-ah  
Dee-ah dee-ah dee-ah  
I'm happy again!  
I'm singin' and dancin' in the rain!_


	9. Journal Entry 9

_**JOURNAL ENTRY # 9**_

_**Kent Farm - Outside on the porch**_

_**7:00 P.M. (a week later)**_

_Hi Amber *pauses and takes a sip of coffee* _

_You're probably wondering why I haven't written anything in a week. Well, writing in a journal wasn't exactly high on my priority list. Lois was in the hospital for a few days. Would you believe she was shot by an arrow? That's right. I hate to admit it, but at first I thought it was Oliver. I mean, he admitted that he was in love with her. And I couldn't help but wonder if he was jealous of my relationship with Lois. I did tell you that he was the Green Arrow - didn't I? *thinks about it* I guess I didn't. Well then, I should tell you how we met..._

_I met Oliver after a party my mother had attended in Metropolis. Somebody dressed in a green leather costume crashed the party and stole a necklace that Lionel Luthor had lent my mother. He grabbed it right off of her neck. She wasn't comfortable about wearing such an expensive piece of jewelry in the first place. Lionel definitely knew how to be charming when he wanted to be. But of course my mother never fell for his 'charms' thank goodness. Now you're probably wondering who Lionel Luthor is...Well he was Lex's father. Using past tense wasn't a mistake, Lionel's dead now and I know that Lex was the one responsible for pushing him out of his office window. Unfortunately, the evidence proving it was destroyed. But I'll tell you more about him at another time, Amber._

_Anyway, Lois was Oliver's date at the time. So after the theft, she ran out to the balcony and managed to pull off a chain that the man in green had been wearing around his neck. Now I know I wasn't there when this all happened. I found out about all of this when my mother came home a bit shaken up and told me. That's when I went to Oliver's penthouse in order to find out more about the theft. _

_We eyed each other warily as we shook hands. And believe it or not, Oliver was surprised at my appearance. Apparently he thought that I would be more of a geek - at least that's the impression of me he got from Lois. That's when I said that Lois had found somebody who could overlook her personality. But then Oliver turned around and said the strangest thing - He said that if he had lived under the same roof with such an attractive woman like Lois, that he would mask his feelings with sarcasm too. Feelings? Who said we had feelings for each other? That was crazy. Lois was just my annoying friend at the time - and just barely mind you. _

_I have to admit that she still could be a tiny bit annoying at times. That's part of her charm. Believe it or not she does have some. She tends to show her tough exterior more often than her delicate side *smiles* But I can tell you that I've recently discovered many soft places on Lois Lane. She really likes it when I kiss her on the back of her thighs. But then her body writhes like crazy when I make my way up to..._

_Whoops, sorry. I was getting a little side-tracked there *laughs uneasily* So where was I? *gives self a mental shake* Oh yeah. I was talking about when I met Oliver. To be honest, I didn't quite know what to make of him. He seemed friendly enough, but yet there was a bit of cockiness to him; almost as if he was overly confident. When I said that I didn't want my mother indebted to Lionel Luthor, he remarked that she shouldn't have accepted his help with her fundraising. I know we would have had more words, but then Lois jumped in and said that she had a article to write and for us to play nice. _

_When Lois finally wrote her article on the theft, she named the green costumed thief, 'Green Arrow Bandit.' Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue now - does it, Amber? *chuckles* Then I found out that Lois had brought the ring that was on the chain to Chloe. She took pictures of the crest on the ring, but suddenly both of them were knocked out by sleeping gas. When they woke up, the ring was gone. But Chloe neglected to tell Lois that she had programmed her computer to render a newer image. _

_I couldn't help but smile when she told me that. But then Chloe received a frantic call from Lois. So I high-tailed it out of there and promptly sped over to Lois' apartment. I found her cell phone on the floor and knew that something had happened to her. That's when Oliver showed up. When I said that I thought that it was the Green Arrow, he seemed to take offense to that; saying that if I had bothered to check further, I would have realized that everything that had been stolen so far had been bought off the black market. Then he abruptly left after receiving a call. That's when Chloe called to tell me her computer had finally come up with a clearer image on the ring. She promptly sent me the rendering she did. I stared at my phone and realized I had seen the symbol on the ring before._

_I immediately went over to Oliver's penthouse and saw the huge family crest on the wall. It was the same as what was on the ring. I looked around and saw something that looked like a big clock. I pulled apart the doors and stepped into a room full of various bows and arrows. That's when I realized with absolute certainty. _

_Oliver was the Green Arrow. _

_A second later, I heard a computerized voice speaking the name of the security company that was responsible for protecting Lionel. I promptly sped over there but Oliver had already saved her; carrying her to the top of the roof. From where I was standing, I could see her grab his automatic crossbow. She came towards him and was about to remove his glasses. That's when I used my heat vision to pop all the light bulbs on the billboard behind them; allowing Oliver to escape._

_I super-sped down to the alley and waited for Oliver to appear. Sure enough, he sped up on his motorcycle; abruptly stopping right in front of me. He was surprised to see me there; astonished that it was me who was up there. I told him that he owed me one. Well, then he asked me why I didn't let Lois expose him. I told him I wasn't sure if Lois would understand why her new boyfriend led a double life. Once again he said something that surprised me. He wondered why one of her best friends did the same thing. When he said we were even, I replied that we'd be even when he returned the necklace he stole from Lionel. Then I walked away and returned to the farm._

_The next day, I was there at the Planet when Chloe discovered that all her data regarding the ring was gone. She looked at me curiously. I asked her not to continue to look into it as a favor to me. Then she realized that I knew who Green Arrow was. She said that there must be some code of honor among super heroes. Now I didn't think of myself as a super hero. Sometimes I still don't. What really matters to me is that Lois thinks that I'm one...to the world that is. Personally, she still thinks of me as her Smallville. Her Smallville. *smiles* I like the sound of that. But don't tell her, Amber. That's our little secret._

_I went back up to the loft and found Oliver sitting at my desk, reading the old newspaper headline about his parents' death. I asked him if he was going to tell Lois about his double life. He remarked that I didn't like him because he was another silver-spoon fed rich boy and that he didn't like playing the martyr like I seemed to do. But I told him that sooner or later it would hurt her._

_Anyway, he ended up giving me back the necklace and told me that it was bought off the black market. I asked him why he gave it to me and he told me that I seemed to have a crystal clear idea of what's right and what's wrong. I have to confess that it wasn't quite as clear as I thought. And it's still not as clear. Of course, I didn't agree with him about it being okay to steal if the end justifies the means. _

_But I knew that couldn't be the only reason why he came over. So I asked him that since we were now even, why he had come over in the first place. He told me that I had abilities he could only dream of - and that with my potential, there was a whole world of people who need us. He went on to say that I couldn't wait for them to come to me; and that when I was ready to do something about it, that I should let him know._

_After he left, I sat down at my desk; staring at that necklace and just thought about what Oliver told me. I knew deep down that he was right, but at the same time I knew I wasn't quite ready. I still hadn't completed my training, and I still had all the phantoms that escaped from the Phantom Zone to take care of. But that's another story Amber. I'll tell you that some other time._

_Well, that's the story of how I met Oliver Queen. I know you want to know why I thought it was Oliver in the first place who attacked Lois. As it turned out, it was Oliver's old mentor, Vordigan who had attacked Lois. He had come to town to settle an old score. Oliver used to be in an Celtic archery cult that forbade lovers, disciples, and allies. When Oliver left the cult, his mentor tracked him down and attacked not just Lois - but Chloe as well. Then he went on to attack Mia - the girl that Oliver had been training. Chloe thought he wasn't quite over his dark path and he might have had a split personality *frowns* Would you believe that? And then she told me that it was she who had set that whole thing up with Roulette. I couldn't believe it. First she bugs my home, then she sets up Oliver - just to pull him back from the brink of darkness. _

_Okay, maybe that's overstating it a little - but you get the gist of it. I don't like the way she handled that situation and told her so. She tried to justify herself by saying she does what's necessary. I do what's right. When I started to walk out, she asked me where I was going. I told her I was going to pick up the pieces, then super-sped out of there._

_I wasn't there to pick Lois up at the hospital. When we met up at the Ace of Clubs, she teasingly asked me why she had to take a cab from the hospital. I started to explain, but she shrugged it off. But I insisted on telling her why I didn't visit her more often. She understood that I had to find out what I could about the Dark Archer. Then she teasingly said I was lucky to have friends bearing flowers and gifts. I asked her who visited her._

_It was Zod_

_I must have had a worried look on my face because she smiled up at me and laid her hand on my shoulder. She knew that Zod was not to be trusted because I had told her so. I am so glad I finally shared my secret with her. She said she pretended to be friendly in order not to arouse his suspicions. That's my Lois. It's just one of the many things I love about her. She wondered about the charm he gave her. _

_I asked her what she was talking about. She showed me the bracelet he had given her. I looked at the charm closely. I didn't recognize the symbol at all. It was enough that he came to my home. Now he was visiting my girlfriend behind my back? I don't trust him because I know what could happen if he succeeds in building those twin towers. With that, I decided to confront Zod. I told him that Lois Lane was off limits and that if he came near her again, that I would destroy them all. Then I super-sped away; returning to my lovely girlfriend._

_We returned to the farm and curled up on the couch; my arm around her and her head on my chest. Her shoulder was still sore from where she was shot. So another tour of Clark Kent's galaxy would have to wait. But that was okay. I don't know what will happen next with Zod, but for now I was content to have the love of my life curled up in my arms. For once, I was happy._

_I think I'll go back inside and see how my sweetie is doing. I like calling her that *grins* She was a little tired and fell asleep on the couch. She needs her rest. After all, we'll be going to that Comic Con Metropolis is hosting in a few days. It should be fun. Of course we'll still be working... I'll talk to you soon, Amber. _

_***Closes book*** _


	10. Journal Entry 10

**JOURNAL ENTRY # 10**

**Kent Farm - Bedroom**

**6:00 a.m. (Over one month later)**

I know it's been over a month since I've written anything - but there's been a lot going on. I also know I was supposed to tell you about what happened at the Comic Con - but I decided to talk about that in the next entry. I felt it was more important to tell you about a group called the JSA. Now, I won't be going into full detail about everything that happened with the JSA because I would be filling several journals. So I decided to just give you the highlights.

You're probably wondering what JSA stands for. Well, Amber, it stands for _Justice Society of America_. They were a group of _superhero's_ from many years ago. The government wanted them to reveal their true identities, but they refused. They were hunted down and thrown in jail. They were torn away from their families. I can't even imagine how it would feel to be away from the ones that I love.

*re-reads what I just wrote*

I don't know why I just wrote that. I absolutely know what it's like.

The thing that really got to me upon reading more about them was that they acted like a family. They were loyal to each other; even in jail. I really admire that kind of loyalty and the trust they have for one another - and still do. It made me wish that our dysfunctional group was more like them. *sigh*

After I met Hawkman - the leader of the JSA - I made a comment to him that must have hit a nerve with him. He bristled when I said that I've made mistakes and hadn't quit. He walked towards me and said I hadn't even started yet. I told him he was taking it too personal. That's when he said something very profound.

He said it was their strength and our weakness.

I hate to admit this, but he was right. Our team was scattered throughout the world. We weren't communicating with each other. What kind of a team did we have anyway? Out of all of us, Chloe was the only one who cared enough to try and keep our team together. I still won't let her off the hook for some of her more 'questionable' activities of late though.

Then there's Oliver. The man who is still in love with my girlfriend. Even though we've patched things up somewhat, there's still a bit of tension between us. I wish I knew what to do about it. Lois keeps telling me that she can't help how Oliver feels about her. She does care about him, but as a friend. When I continue to express my concerns, that's when she...well..never mind *smiles to self*

Anyway, the fact was that our team was dysfunctional. Hawkman pointed out that our generation would make the same mistakes as the ones before it. He even seemed offended that we didn't know anything about the JSA. Well, I told him that he didn't know who we were and that we weren't the bad guys.

Now you're probably wondering how we found out about the JSA in the first place. It was because Chloe was nearly killed by some guy who went by the name of Icicle. She was saved by someone who turned out to be a member of the JSA - Sylvestor Pemberton aka the Star-Spangled Kid. Icicle killed him. Then he killed another member of the group - Wesley Dodds aka Sandman. We found out about the JSA when I discovered Sandman dead and I saw the initials of the group scrawled in blood..

I know I've probably omitted some details - but like I said earlier, this entry would be way too long. I'm already up to almost two pages as it is.

While the rest of the group went out to search for Icicle, I stayed behind because one of the members of the JSA requested it. His code name was Dr. Fate. He revealed that he could see everybody's fate except his own. It scared him to not know his own fate - but when he saw mine, it restored his hope for tomorrow. He revealed that I would lead this generation like Hawkman led his. I asked him what he saw exactly. What he said sent a shiver up and down my spine.

He said that although Lex Luthor was my ultimate opponent, I would eventually triumph over him.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Lex was supposed to be dead. I stared at Dr. Fate in shock. Was Lex still alive? He didn't come out and say it, but it was implied. He paused, then began to speak again. He said when I finally reveal myself to the world, it will be a silver age of heroism. The world will look up to the sky at me with hope for tomorrow. One thought went through my mind at that moment.

Did that mean I will finally fly?

That's when I heard a knock at the door. I don't know why I was surprised to hear Lois' voice, but I was. How did she know about this place? That's when Dr. Fate revealed something else to me.

She was the key.

The key? What did he mean by that? Did that mean that Lois was the one who would be standing by my side in the future? Because I already saw my future and she was it. I have to admit the thought of that put a smile on my face.

I couldn't decide whether or not to speed away before she saw me. There was no reason to because she already knew my secret - and I didn't want to keep any more of them from her. She opened the door and stepped inside. I was already gone; having sped away. I decided to tell her everything that's been happening when she came back to the farm after work.

We were finally able to capture Icicle with the combined efforts of the JSA and our team. Even John Jones was able to help; his powers having been restored just before Icicle killed Dr. Fate. Afterwards, I had an interesting conversation with Hawkman. He admitted that my team was better than he thought. I know it wasn't easy for him to admit it, but it made me feel a little better. I confessed that even though my team is the best group of friends I could have ever hoped for, I didn't think that we could ever be as close as the JSA.

He came over to tell me that I needed to remember that they were people and would make mistakes. He also said the most important thing I could do was to trust them. I know he told me all this because he didn't want us to repeat the same mistakes and that it was up to me.

He walked over to the display of Hawkgirl and stared wistfully at it. He confessed he only learned to fly when his kingdom was attacked and taken from him. He realized at last that what was important wasn't the throne, but his people; his _wife_. He turned around and said I had the capacity to break the chains that were holding me back - and when I did, Dr. Fate's vision would come to pass.

I asked him if he was hanging up his wings. He smiled and said no. He was going to guide the children of the JSA and their protégés. Chloe was able to help locate the rest of the JSA. When I was asked what we called our team, I told her we didn't have a name yet.

We were a work in progress.

Later on, I told Lois everything about the JSA over dinner back at the farm. In return, she told me about the mysterious package she received and how she had gotten on the trail of the JSA. It felt so good to be able to speak freely with Lois about these _kind_ of things. She had the biggest smile on her face when she said it wasn't every day she could get an interview with someone in a helmet who can reveal the future.

I looked at her with surprise. I wondered exactly what Dr. Fate told Lois. So I asked her. She didn't answer my question at first, but then revealed what he told her. She said the helmet guy told her that she would be there for 'him' and that he would be there for her. When I asked her who 'him' was, she replied that he was supposed to be a 'Savior' or 'Sentient power.' She smiled at me; her hand reaching out to touch my cheek. That's when she said it.

I knew he was talking about you.

I smiled back at her and asked if she believed in fate. She got up from her chair and came over to me; sitting down across my lap and linking her hands around my neck.

Only the kind you make happen.

Our eyes closed as we began to kiss; our tongues gently caressing each other's mouths. When we finally came up for air, I told her that I could already see the future. She looked curiously at me. She asked me what I meant by that.

I got up from the chair; holding her in my arms as I carried her up the stairs to my bedroom. She looked up at me with a smile as I closed the door behind me. I could tell you more, but Lois is starting to wake up and I'm sure she'll want me to...well...Nah, no need to go into the intimate details. *smiles*

See you later, Amber.

*Closes book*


	11. Journal Entry 11

**JOURNAL ENTRY # 11**

**Kent Farm - Loft**

**11:00 P.M. (a few days later)**

**Hi, Amber *pauses to take a sip of cocoa***

**I've been meaning to tell you what happened at the _Comic Con_. You won't _believe_ who showed up, Amber. Zatanna. Yep. Would you believe that she was in town to...wait a minute...I haven't told you about her yet - have I? *smacks self* **

**Well, let me fill you in.**

**Zatanna is a magician who showed up at Chloe's birthday party last year and granted her secret wish to be more like Lois. But what ended up happening was that she literally TURNED into Lois. She looked just like her - yet still retained her own personality. Of course at the time I had no idea what had happened because I missed Chloe's party. **

**I thought something was up when she wasn't busting my chops. But it was really weird when she let me drive. Now Lois never lets me drive when we're chasing a story. NEVER. I never suspected that she wasn't Lois inside. Sure, she was acting a little different, but how was I supposed to know? Anyway, we were walking down the street when she lost her balance and I caught her before she could fall to the ground. I had her in one of those dips you do when you're dancing. That seems to happen a lot. I don't know why. But now I get to dip her when we're not dancing. Yes, you read that correctly. And no, I'm not going into details *smirks***

**What was I saying? Oh yeah. She had a curious expression on her face as I looked down at her. It was almost as if she was seeing something I wasn't aware of. Weird. Anyway, I finally found out she was really Chloe when she started revealing all kinds of things about my secret that Lois wouldn't know about. **

**I couldn't believe it. She also thought that if we went to see Zatanna, that maybe we would be able to find out how it happened. So we went to the theatre to talk to her. Before we went inside, I had mentioned off-hand about how all the weirdness in my life was so normal it wasn't even weird anymore and how sometimes I wished that I had a normal life. Then we went inside and found her. After we explained what happened, Zatanna told us that the spell would be broken when Chloe didn't want her wish anymore. She also said some words that I didn't understand, then vanished. Suddenly, I felt different. I can't explain why, but I felt as if there was a huge weight lifted off me. **

**To make a long story short, it wasn't too long after before Chloe finally became Chloe again and I became Clark again. Apparently, I was also under a spell and believed myself to be normal with no special powers. Even though I constantly feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, I would prefer a life of responsibility than not having a care in the world. I feel like I have a purpose every time I wake up in the morning - and that's one of the best feelings in the world. **

**I went over to Chloe's with some coffee and bagels. We had a really nice talk; the kind we hadn't had in a while. During our conversation, she referred to Lois and I as the 'dynamic duo.' When I told her that things hadn't been exactly smooth between us lately, she said something that surprised me.**

**She said I was giving Lois non-stop puppy dog eyes.**

**Would you believe it? *pauses a moment* Now that I look back, I guess I was giving Lois those looks. But I wasn't ready at that time to explore the feelings I have for Lois now. Chloe also said that just because I was burned once didn't mean that I couldn't give it a second chance. **

**I thought about it for a second, then asked her if we were still talking about me or about her and Jimmy. She smiled sadly and said _touché,_ then said that maybe we both shouldn't live in the past. She also said we'll never be who we want to be if we kept looking over our shoulder at what could have been. I admit she made a lot of sense. Of course, Lois chose that time to table the whole 'sparks in the trenches' thing that had been going on between us. I agreed that it was a good rule - but as she left for her date with the guy she met on the plane, I couldn't help but feel as if I had lost something.**

***Looks back at what I just wrote* I can't believe I've already written two pages and hadn't even got to the part when Zatanna appeared at the _Comic Con_. Well, I won't spend too much time on that, but I will give you a few highlights.**

**I was talking to Lois - who was dressed up as a Storm Trooper from _Star Wars_ . She started asking me about fantasies because I was being serious about what it really meant to be a hero. Well, I thought about it for a second and was all set to tell her one of mine when Zatanna showed up. I barely had the chance to introduce them before Zatanna pulled me away. Lois was not particularly happy about her showing up. In fact - if I didn't know better, I would think that Lois was jealous. *shrugs* **

**Turns out the reason Zatanna was there was because she needed my assistance retrieving a stolen comic book her late father had cursed. While she was telling me about it, my super hearing kicked in and heard Lois' raised voice. I excused myself and went in the direction of where I heard it. There was a long line for the men's room. It figured. Of course Lois would go in there. *rolls eyes* **

**I knocked on the door and asked her to come out. My eyes widen with surprise when she finally emerged.**

**She was wearing a red and blue Amazon costume. **

**I couldn't help staring at her as she came out. She was also wearing knee-length boots and had a lasso fastened to her waist. Now I would never tell anybody this, but seeing her in that outfit conjured all kinds of naughty images in my head; especially the lasso. I also wondered about what she was wearing underneath. Maybe she was wearing that lacy black thong she was wearing the night we first made love. I wanted to forget all about the cursed comic book and super speed us back to the farm and...well...no need to go into that *blushes***

**Where was I? I lost track of what I was saying. That seems to happen a lot. I'll just have to blame Lois for it. Ha ha.**

**Zatanna and I did some investigating and finally found the comic book in an old warehouse. Somehow, we got on the subject of my relationship with Lois. I don't know why I told her what I had said to Lois about being a superhero. Zatanna apparently misunderstood me and thought that I've been keeping Lois at arm's length. So she said a few words I didn't understand . Then all of a sudden, there were lit candles all over the room. I felt different all of a sudden - almost as if I was on Red-K but without the harmful side effects. I pulled her into my arms and sat down with her straddling my lap. We were making out on that bench, but then somehow I managed to pull myself out of it. I pushed her off me and stood up. I told her I couldn't do it. She smiled mysteriously at me and said something surprising before walking away.**

**_I think we found a mouth more magical than mine. _**

**I went back to the _Planet_ and found Lois on the phone talking to missing persons. Apparently Lois found out who stole the comic book. It was a young kid who had written several letters addressed to the Blur. Lois handed me one of them to read. I started reading it and immediately felt a connection with him. There was a point in Elementary School where I felt just like Alec. So this letter truly touched my heart. Lois remarked that it sounded like the boy was in desperate need of a big brother; smiling up at me. **

**She also made some remarks about Zatanna; asking me what was with the outfit she had been wearing. I told her there was nothing to worry about. She replied in typical Lois fashion that she knew that and that I was the most honest man she knew - but if there was something to worry about, she would be the first to know and not the last. Of course I felt guilty about what happened. I couldn't look her in the eye. I didn't think she suspected anything, but who knew with Lois. *sigh***

**There was more stuff that happened involving Chloe and that kid, but I won't go into it. So after the kid was returned to his aunt, I went back to the _Planet_ to talk to Lois. I confessed that Zatanna had kissed me but that it wasn't what I wanted to happen. She said with a straight face that she was wondering how long it would take for me to fess up. **

**She confessed to not liking being insecure and having to accept the fact that she's not the only gal that thought I was fantastic. I smiled at her and said it wasn't the reaction I was expecting. Then she said something surprising .**

**_Expect the unexpected._**

**Then she did something even more surprising. She grabbed Jeff the intern as he was walking by us and gave him a passionate kiss, then pushed him away. I stared at her in shock. I couldn't believe she did that. Then she said that I should remember that look on my face when one of my sexy lady friends invades my personal space.**

**My response to that was that I was going to finish my apology. I told her that there was always a costume ball at the end of the _Comic Con_ every year; holding out two tickets. She remarked that I hated costumes. That's when I finally told her what my dream was.**

**With you, Lois. **

**She smiled at me as she took the tickets. Then she said that THAT was an apology. But when she said she was going to pick out my costume, I began to worry.**

**Maybe it wasn't a good idea after all.**

**Well, Amber, that's all for now. I'll tell you about the costume ball next time. And you will NOT believe what costumes she had picked out for us. *blushes***

**TTYL *closes book***


	12. Journal Entry 12

**JOURNAL ENTRY # 12**

**Kent Farm - Living room**

**7:00 P.M. (The next day)**

Hi, Amber.

I want to tell you what happened at the costume ball - but Lois will be here in about 20 minutes, so I'll try to make this brief. *pauses* I'll be right back, Amber.

I'm back. *resumes writing* Sorry about that. The timer on the oven went off. I'm making my Mom's meatloaf recipe because Lois loves it. I may not be as good a cook as Mom, but I'm certainly a heck of a lot better than Lois. It would be nice if she could cook, but I accept the fact that her culinary skills aren't all that great.

Believe it or not, she will roll up her sleeves and help out with some of the chores I have around here. She insists on it because she knows I have a lot on my plate (Blur stuff). She keeps saying that I need a new name because _The Blur_ is just plain boring. Well, I challenged her to come up with something. Just a few nights ago, she came up with some ridiculous name.

Superman.

*Shakes head*

She insists it fits me perfectly. I just don't see it. She says I'm 'super' and a 'man' - therefore I'm a 'superman.' *frowns* Of course she had called me that after her 3rd orgasm last night - which by the way, she now refers to as a 'Super O.' *rolls eyes*

I'm getting off track here. I was supposed to tell you about the costume ball.

We were getting ready to leave work when I remembered the costumes. I turned to Lois and asked her where they were. She said she hadn't picked them up yet. So after we left the _Planet_, we made a quick stop at the costume shop. I went inside to pick them up while Lois stayed in the truck. I gave the saleslady the name on the rental and she disappeared; returning a minute later with two small bags. I had a puzzled look on my face at the size of the two bags. I was about to ask the saleslady why they were so small, but then she had a couple new customers.

I went back to the car and threw them in the back seat. I started up the truck and we continued on our way. Since the ball was taking place at the Luthor mansion, Lois had thought it would be a good idea to change there. I wasn't too crazy about that idea, but sometimes it's just easier to agree with her.

We arrived at the mansion about a half-hour later. We gave the keys to the valet, then walked through the front door and made our way to the ballroom. We both peaked inside and saw a whole crowd of people already there. I saw Oliver dressed up as Hans Solo - which I think is entirely appropriate. *smirks*

What really surprised me though was Chloe being dressed up as Princess Leia. I couldn't believe it. Just the other day, Lois wore the same gold bikini outfit for me that Chloe was now wearing. And while Chloe looked really great in it, I have to admit that Lois looked even hotter. Don't tell Chloe that, Amber. *smiles*

I brought Lois up to the second floor because I knew there were bedrooms up there. I opened the door to one of them. We stepped inside and I couldn't believe what I saw. There were plants everywhere and a huge canopy bed. There was also a leopard-print sofa situated near the fireplace.

Lois of course liked it. She remarked it was cool as she took off her coat and handed me one of the bags. She took the other one and stepped behind the dressing screen to change. I opened the bag she gave me and stared in disbelief.

WHAT THE HELL?!

She poked her head from behind the screen and asked me what was wrong. I told her there was NO WAY I was going to wear such a revealing costume in public. She said it couldn't be that bad. When she said that, it got me wondering if she had even seen them yet. So I asked her. She replied that she hadn't. All she did was call the costume shop and tell them specifically what she wanted.

I knew that once I stepped into the ballroom wearing this costume, I would never hear the end of it - especially from Oliver. But it meant so much to Lois. *sigh* I reluctantly changed out of my work clothes and slipped into the costume. I looked at myself in the full-length mirror. I couldn't believe I was wearing such a thing. *shakes head* I called out to her to ask if she was ready. A minute later, she came out from behind the screen with a worried look on her face. Well, my eyes popped out of my head when I saw her.

She was dressed in a very skimpy leopard-print bra-like top and something that looked more like a pair of high-cut panties than a pair of shorts. Her jaw dropped when she saw me wearing a loin cloth that barely covered my backside.

I asked her what kind of costumes were these supposed to be anyway? She told me she had asked for Tarzan and Jane costumes. She didn't expect them to be so revealing. She walked over to me and fingered the tooth necklace that came with the costume; a frown on her face.

_There's no way I'm letting you go out there dressed like that._

I stared back at her in astonishment because that's what I was about to say to her. I told her that I don't want any of the men out there ogling my girlfriend; especially Oliver. If anybody was going to ogle her, it was going to be me.

Her boyfriend.

I expected her to get mad like she normally would. Instead, she walked away. I watched as she made her way over to the bedroom door and turned the lock. She leaned back against the door for a moment, then surprised me yet again.

She came back over to me and started to glide her fingers up and down my chest.

I couldn't stop a groan from escaping my lips as her fingers found my nipples and began to play with them. But I decided that she wasn't going to have all the fun. Now you won't believe what I did next, Amber.

I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder; carrying her over to the leopard-print sofa and laying her down on top of it.

She stared up at me with surprise. Then she asked me what the hell I was doing. So I surprised her yet again with my answer.

_Me Tarzan, You Jane._

I'm sure that you want to know what happened next. Well, I'll just leave that to your imagination, Amber. But, I will tell you that we never did make an appearance at the costume ball. *smiles*

Oh, and one more thing. You know that yell that Tarzan makes? Well....

*Closes book*


	13. Journal Entry 13

_**JOURNAL ENTRY # 13**_

_**Kent Farm - Loft**_

_**7:30 P.M.**_

_Guess what, Amber? Lois and I are getting married. Well...actually...that's not quite true. What I meant to say was that Lois THOUGHT we were getting married. Now you're probably wondering why she would think such a thing. Well, I'll just have to tell you; keeping in mind that I'm only going to hit the highlights._

_It was Valentine's Day. I wanted to spend it like any other couple. You know, taking Lois out for an intimate dinner. There would be flowers, candlelight, romantic music to set the mood. What can I say? I'm just a romantic at heart. But apparently that wasn't the case with Lois. Her idea of a night out was trying to find out information about supposed labor rule violations at the solar towers that Zod was building. So there I was; standing outside the wooden wall surrounding the site while Lois was standing on my shoulders trying to peak in. _

_I know I could have very easily used my x-ray vision to see what was going on, but Lois didn't feel that it would be a good idea to use The Blur as a source. So she came up with the idea of trying to find a legal way of stopping Zod. Of course the usual thing happened that always seems to occur whenever we're investigating a story._

_She lost her balance and fell into my arms._

_I didn't mind, of course. I love having Lois in my arms. Ever since we made love for the first time, I just can't get enough of holding her. I know she feels the same because she...well...never mind. *blushes* _

_We gazed at each other and smiled, then I reluctantly let her down. She told me that she saw them moving more tech equipment in there than NASA. She mused out loud that they must be hiding something. I didn't like the sound of that, but at least we were aware that something shady was going on. It's times like those where I'm glad I finally told her my secret._

_After that, we walked away from the site and ended up in the middle of a Valentine's Day street party. It looked like a lot of fun. I expressed my desire about having a romantic night, but that's when she went on a rant about how it was a made-up corporate holiday designed to get people to spend money on dead flowers and dinners. I told her she was overreacting even for her. That's when she finally admitted the real reason for not celebrating this night._

_She said that every Valentine's Day she has embraced ends up in disaster._

_Hearing her say that just made me want to give her one that wouldn't end up that way. But there was no changing her mind. Then a woman dressed up as a fairy came over with a box of chocolates in her hand, which Lois promptly grabbed from her; explaining that she hadn't had dinner yet. Now who's fault was that? But I didn't say anything. Then the woman wished us a Happy Valentine's Day and blew some dust in our direction. I blinked a couple times as the dust flew in my eyes. I had this funny feeling all of a sudden, but couldn't figure out what it was. That's when Lois called her Tinkerbell and told her to go easy on the pixie dust. I couldn't help but smile because it was a typical Lois thing to say. _

_*Looks back at what I just wrote* _

_I can't believe I'm already on page two of this story and I have yet to get to the part when Lois thought we were engaged. So much for hitting the highlights. *sigh* I guess I just have a lot to say. _

_So where was I? Oh yeah. Valentine's Day. After that, we returned to the Daily Planet. I don't know why we even bothered because it was too late to file a story. I felt that there was still enough time for us to have an romantic evening. But nooo. That's when she started talking about nachos and some stuff about hard-hitting journalism. _

_I confess I was tuning her out at the time. So then I finally decided to ask her what was wrong with putting our relationship first before work for a change because lately it's been the opposite. I didn't dare mention the fact that we hadn't had sex since the night of the costume ball a couple weeks earlier. She said that putting our relationship first sounded pretty traditional and started to walk past me. So I grabbed her arm and asked her what was wrong with that? Before she could answer me, that's when the words I never thought I'd say slipped out of my mouth._

_I wanted us to have a more traditional relationship._

_I knew as soon as I spoke those words that I was in for it. That's when we were interrupted by someone who needed our expose on the towers right away. All of a sudden, Lois started acting all lovey-dovey. She was holding my hand and calling me sweetie and telling me that she would do anything for my career. I thought she was laying it on a bit thick. I eventually found out why she was acting the way she was, but I'll tell you about that shortly._

_I gently let go of her hand and promptly went over to Watchtower. Now I won't bore you with all the details about helping the Kandorians finding new lives on earth. What I will tell you is that Chloe and I ended up having yet another disagreement on the subject. She didn't agree with my plan and suggested I send them to the Phantom Zone. Then she had to bring up the fact that one of the Kandorians killed Jor-El. Well, frankly, that just pissed me off. I wanted to send Doomsday to the Phantom Zone and we both knew how that turned out. If she had only listened to me at the time, then maybe Jimmy would still be alive. But I didn't voice that thought because I didn't want to stoop to her level. _

_When she said she wanted to protect people, I told her very firmly that what I needed from her was for her to watch my back while I protected the rest of the planet. As I was walking out the door, she said she would protect me no matter what. I remember thinking how odd that comment was, but I was still so pissed off by her earlier comment that I didn't think any more about it. _

_After I gave Alia and Faora papers for their new identities and talked to them about what was going on with Zod, I went back to the farm. I opened the door and did a double take. I couldn't believe my eyes. The house was spotlessly clean. Then I detected the scent of apples baking. At first I wondered if Mom had come for a visit. She did tell me recently that she would be coming back soon, but wasn't sure when. _

_I walked into the kitchen and saw Lois bending over to remove something from the oven. I don't recall having seen the dress she had on in her closet, but I loved the view none the less. The dress may have been conservative, but the underwear she had on was far from it. *blushes*_

_She straightened up and turned around; holding a freshly baked apple pie in her hands. My eyes widened with surprise. She looked just like one of those housewives from a 1950's sitcom. That's not my Lois. My Lois should be wearing form-fitting jeans with a tank top that clings to her curves in all the right places._

_*gives self mental shake*_

_Sorry about that. My mind must have drifted off again. It tends to happen a lot when I think about Lois. *smiles* Anyway, when I asked her what was going on, she told me that she moved in and would be staying in the guest room until we got engaged. _

_Funny, I didn't recall proposing to Lois._

_Before I could say anything, she put the pie down and began to cut the pot roast. At least she tried to cut it. It was so burnt that I might have had to use my heat vision. But she finally did it. She placed some meat on my plate, then some on hers and sat down. _

_I stared at it as she started eating her dinner. She looked up at me and asked me how it was. I hated to lie to her because now I'm all about honesty and telling her the truth about everything. But I just didn't have the heart to hurt her feelings, so I lied and said it was delicious. When her head was turned, I sneaked a piece of meat to Shelby. Even he shied away from it and ran out of the room._

_I wish I were a dog right about now. *sighs*_

_When I told her how much I loved her for trying to cook for me, she said that it was the least she could do because I'm the one who brought home the bacon. Now that was weird. She was so cheerful and sweet that I could have sworn I was talking to a Stepford wife. I told her I missed the old Lois and wanted her back. That's when she told me something that I never ever expected to hear come out of Lois Lane's mouth._

_I quit my job at the Planet._

_Once again, she shocked me. She quit her job? Was she nuts? I know I said that I wanted a more traditional relationship, but I certainly would never want her to quit her job. She loves being a reporter. There was definitely something wrong with her. That's when she sat on my lap and nuzzled my nose with hers. Now we're Eskimos? I started to tell her that I didn't want her to quit her job, but she smiled at me and said she would be my ball and chain. Then she started to recite some wedding vows. Wedding vows? I had to do something, and fast._

_I told her I had to go back to the office, then promptly super-sped out of there._

_I started tracing our footsteps from the Planet to the construction site. I found myself walking along the street where the Valentine's Day party took place. That's when I saw the woman dressed up as a fairy. She was packing up her car as I walked over to her. She smiled and remarked that I was the guy with the bitter chick. I laughed a little and told her that Lois wasn't feeling good and I wanted to find out if there was anything in the chocolate. She said the only thing in there was fat because she ended up gaining three pounds._

_I thanked her and was about to walk away when I noticed the bag of fairy dust. I wondered where she got it, so I asked her. All she knew was that it came from a quarry in Smallville. Well, that explained a lot. It had to be a new kind of kryptonite that I hadn't come across until now. I was trying to figure out how it affected me when I received a 911 text message from Lois. The woman asked if it was my girlfriend and I was about to say yes, but stopped myself. I had to tell her that we didn't use that word because Lois didn't like to use labels. But truth be told, I really wanted to say that Lois was my girlfriend. _

_As soon as I was out of sight, I super-sped to the farm only to find Lois sitting on the floor in the loft; crying while holding my old football jacket. When I asked her what was the emergency, she managed to say between sobs that it was a false alarm and that she was pathetic. She got up and promptly took off the apron and necklace. Then she told me that moving in together was a joke. I tried to calm her down, but she told me to stop sugar coating everything. I offered to get her some water, but she walked away from me; saying she wasn't good enough for me. I started to dispute her assertion, but that's when she hit me with yet another bombshell._

_Chloe was right to protect her from me._

_I was stunned to say the least. It didn't make any sense because Chloe doesn't need to do that. Lois now knows my secret. I thought at first that Lois must have misunderstood what Chloe said to her. But then I remembered what Chloe said to me earlier about protecting me no matter what. I was starting to get angry. How dare Chloe hurt her so much that she was reduced to tears. At the same time, It just hurt so much to see the love of my life so scared and vulnerable. I had to have some words with Chloe, but first I had to try and calm Lois down. _

_I told her that Chloe could be overprotective, but she was still too upset to listen to reason. She said she would never be able to make a home for us. She turned away from me and grabbed her suitcase. But there was no way in hell that I was going to let her walk away. So I went after her and told her she didn't have to be a housewife in order to make a home with me. She turned around and said that a home was for always and forever, but not what we had now. I pulled her into my arms and promised we would always be together. She asked me if I meant forever._

_In response, I lowered my head and kissed her passionately. We stood there for a few minutes kissing, then she removed her lips and rested her head on my chest. I wanted so much to sweep her off her feet and bring her to my bedroom, but I needed to find out how she was infected in the first place. Maybe later. Then she whispered that she should move her things out of the guest room and into mine. I stared down at the top of her head with a surprised look on my face._

_Did she think that I proposed to her?_

_So that's where Lois got the idea that we were engaged, Amber. So while Lois stayed at the farm, I went over to confront Chloe and instead found Emil running around like a chicken with its head cut off. He kept muttering about how he couldn't access the computer system but I couldn't have cared less. So I told him to calm down and relax for once. That's when yet another strange event occurred._

_He turned around and declared that it wasn't his problem if the place went nuclear._

_I stared at him in disbelief as he took off his glasses and loosened his tie. He acted as if he had taken a sedative or something. He was definitely relaxed all right. Then I had a moment of clarity. _

_He did exactly what I told him to do._

_That was it. THAT'S what the new kryptonite did to me. It gave me the ability to get people to do what I wanted. Lois acting like a traditional housewife, Chloe watching my back, Emil becoming relaxed. It all made sense. Now I had to figure out how to reverse the effects. I told him I needed him to go back to the way he was because he was the only person who could help me. That's when he said there were no backsies in this lifetime and walked away from me. _

_When I asked him where he was going, he replied that the job was too stressful and that he needed a cold brew. Frankly, I could have used one too. I briefly wished that alcohol could affect me so that I could get drunk once in a while. Then I gave myself a mental shake and told Emil that I must have breathed in a new kind of meteor rock that caused people to do whatever I wanted them to do. He laughed as he started drinking his beer and asked me if I was ever told not to inhale._

_I rolled my eyes at his comment. Now normally I would have enjoyed Emil's humorous side. But this just wasn't the time. So he sat down on the sofa and as serious as he could, told me it sounded like hypnosis. He went on to say that people were pathetic and opened to suggestions and how wonderful it would be with the ladies. I told him it wasn't that great because Lois almost left me because of it. So I asked him how I could get rid of this ability and you want to know what he said in response?_

_He said that I need to 'chill out.'_

_Then he said that maybe I could use this ability to find out something I was after. It was then I realized what I could use it for. I could find out who murdered my father. So I immediately went over to the construction site and confronted Zod. He went on and on about how I was isolating him from his people and that he didn't kill Jor-El. I didn't believe him for a minute; tossing him Jor-El's dog tags and demanding to know the truth. I hoped that my new ability would work on him, but I had a feeling it wouldn't when he looked me in the eye and responded that it was Tess who killed my father._

_Tess? She killed my father? Needless to say I was shocked. It didn't make sense. Why would she do such a thing? He had to be lying. I turned away from him and tried to process what he just told me. I know he must have sensed how much I was struggling between my need for vengeance and my need for resolving things without killing because that's when he started talking about how I was the only one who could seek retribution for Jor-El's death._

_I told him that I couldn't kill Tess because I wasn't raised that way. His response was that it was the Kryptonian way and continued to talk about how he tortured my father. But Jor-el wouldn't give me up. I could feel the anger that was building inside me finally bubble to the surface. I grabbed Zod by his jacket and told him that of course I wanted revenge and how sometimes I wished I could be more like the cold-blooded Kryptonian that I was capable of being._

_Looking back, I now realize that I had hypnotized myself without realizing it. But I didn't know it at the time. I immediately went back to the Planet and found Tess holding Chloe at gunpoint. I super-sped her away to an empty parking lot and immediately told her that I knew she was the one who killed my father. I used my heat vision to surround us in a ring of fire. She looked absolutely terrified, but I didn't give a damn. She denied killing him of course by saying she didn't betray me or revealed my secret to anyone. I reminded her that she had sold me out to Zod and the Kandorians. I also told her that I knew that she saw Lois' memories of the future and that it was because of the solar towers that I lost my powers and not Zod. _

_She looked absolutely horrified as she realized that Zod had lied to her about everything. I told her I would save the world, but without her in it. I was all set to use my heat vision on her, but suddenly felt weak. I looked up and saw Chloe standing there with a piece of kryptonite. I saw the ring of fire as I slowly came out of the trance. I looked over at Chloe and saw how relived she was. But Tess was a different story. She was frightened and rightfully so._

_*Looks back again at what I just wrote.*_

_I can't believe I just wrote almost eight pages. And to think I haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet. Maybe I need to go to a long-winded writers anonymous group. *chuckles* Nah. Probably not. It's not as if I make a habit of writing epic journal entries - although I have read stories online where the chapters are ten to twelve pages; that is, when I do have the time to read them. _

_See? There I go again. I really need to stop that. *chuckles*_

_The next day, I received a call from Mom congratulating Lois and I on our engagement. I had to tell her that there was a mistake and that the Planet would be printing a retraction. I was about to hang up when she told me to tell Lois that she could borrow it when she was ready. I looked over at Lois as I hung up the phone. Lois had a guilty look on her face and I just knew what Mom was talking about. I know that Lois would look beautiful in Mom's wedding dress, but it would have to be lengthened because she's taller than Mom. When I asked Lois what Mom was talking about, she pretended that it was Greek to her. I let it go for now, then told her that her father had called as well as just about everybody else we know. She told me that she would take care of it. Then she said something I didn't expect._

_She said she would stop complaining about Valentine's Day and give it a shot._

_I couldn't help but smile when she said that. But what made me smile even more was when she said she needed to trust that what we have was real. Then she revealed that Chloe had sent her another text message apologizing for what she said after finding out that Lois was moving in with me. It must have been at least the twelfth one she sent. Lois then made it seem as if I was the one who started the whole moving in/proposing thing in the first place. I was going to let her get away with it, but I decided not to. So I told her that whenever she was ready to propose, I would accept. *chuckles*_

_I later went to the funeral for Alia. It was a beautiful ceremony, but all through it I had this feeling that Zod was the one who murdered her. I confronted him and he admitted it. He believed he did the right thing because she had killed Jor-El. He went on and on about how I was too weak to kill her and that he had to kill one of his soldiers to get justice. I told him it wasn't my kind of justice. I realized that he was truly delusional. Why did I think that he was worth saving? _

_I had to stop him._

_After I talked to Chloe about my plan for stopping Zod, I super-sped to a rooftop near the solar towers and stared at them for a moment. Then I used my heat vision and destroyed those towers once and for all. I watched as the towers came down; knowing that the future had changed._

_I went back to the farm and walked through the doorway. Once again, I caught a whiff of apple pie. I was afraid that Lois had become infected again. But thank goodness I was wrong. I noticed some candles burning in the living room. Then I noticed that the lights were turned off and there was soft music playing on the stereo. There was even a roaring fire going on in the fireplace. I was about to call out to Lois when I heard footsteps. I turned around and my jaw dropped when I saw her descending the staircase. I couldn't believe my eyes. She was wearing the biggest smile I've ever seen. She was also wearing high heels and the frilly white apron that was part of her French maid's outfit. AND nothing else. *smiles*_

_It was my fantasy come true. _

_Now you probably want to know what happened next. Well, I only have a few words to say about that._

_Viva la France. *winks* _

_*closes book*_


	14. Journal Entry 14

**JOURNAL ENTRY # 14**

**Kent Farm - bedroom**

**5:00 a.m.**

_Hey, Amber. It's been a while since I've talked to you. I've been pretty busy helping the Kandorians adjust to their new lives. It seems to be harder for the older Kandorians to adjust to life on Earth, but the younger ones appear to be having an easier time of it. I have to keep telling them that while it's okay to celebrate their Kryptonian heritage in private, they really should be acting more like humans when in public. I know it's not easy because I share the same heritage, but I have had many years of practice. _

_*sigh*_

_Anyway, now I finally have some time to write an entry in you, Amber. Lois is lying next to me; still sleeping. _

_She looks so at peace when she's sleeping. _

_During the day, she's always on the go; gulping down her coffee and munching on those maple donuts she loves so much. It's funny that I never knew she loved maple donuts until this past year. How did I not know that? I know so many things about Lois. For example, I know how much she loves it when I glide a popsicle over her..._

_*wipes forehead* _

_Sorry about that. Actually, I'm not really that sorry. I can write whatever I want - so if I want to write that I like to use that popsicle to make her nipples harder, I can. And if I want to use said popsicle on other parts of her body...well...I can write that too. *smirks* Oh, Amber. You have absolutely NO idea about the things I do to Lois when we're alone. If you were a real person, your face would turn bright red if I were to tell you about the handcuffs that Jimmy once bought for Chloe for their engagement night. Since they never got to use it, Chloe decided to give them to me. Boy, was Lois surprised when I surprised her one night and handcuffed her to the bed. I just LOVED to see her squirm. She looked so damn sexy lying there wearing absolutely nothing. *wipes forehead again* _

_It's a shame she can't use them on me. _

_*grins and stops writing*_

_Sorry, I thought Lois was waking up, so that's why I stopped writing. I really don't want her to know that I'm keeping a journal - even though it was her idea. I know I share just about everything with her now - which is such a relief let me tell you. But I just want to have something that's mine - and mine alone. I don't think that's too much to ask. Everyone should have something like that. _

_Well, I suppose you want to know about what's been going on recently with the Kandorians than my sex life with Lois. Or do you? _

_*smiles* _

_I'm not going to write another missive about it all. That's wasn't my purpose for starting this journal. My purpose was to write my thoughts and feelings about things. I think I've gone off track a little. My last entry was almost ten pages. That's a lot of writing._

_I just went off track again. I've already written two pages. *sighs*_

_Anyway, a little bit about Zod. I know from previous experience that Zod wants to rule the Earth while I want to protect it. Just before Jor-El died in my arms, he told me to save Zod. I was too wrapped up in my grief of losing my father yet again to really think about it at first. But then I really thought about it and realized that the real grief I felt was never having a chance to really get to know him._

_*sighs again*_

_Ever since he died, I've tried my best to honor my father's wishes. The true test, however, was when Zod was shot. There was a part of me that thought that maybe it was a good thing; knowing what he's done in the past. But I just couldn't let him die. It's part of my nature to try and save people. So I found a nail made of kryptonite and cut myself with it; allowing my blood to fall on his wound. And like I thought, he was healed. He seemed to be really affected by almost dying. But a short time later, we were talking on the roof and he had his hand on his stomach as if he had pain. _

_Now you're probably wondering why I would even bother to mention that. He doesn't have any powers after all, so of course he would have some pain. But it was where his hand was that concerned me. It was on the wrong side of his stomach._

_I hope I didn't make the wrong decision._

_After that, I went over to Lois' apartment. After a very nice make-out session, she went into her bedroom to change out of her work clothes and into what she calls her 'lounging around' clothes. While she was doing that, I was just browsing through some of the papers that were scattered on the coffee table and that's when I found something very interesting._

_It was a brochure for a place called The McDougal Inn._

_Now why would Lois have something like that? It didn't sound like something she would find interesting. But I have to admit I like the idea of us getting away for a weekend. Now I know that Lois and I have a healthy sex life, but the truth of the matter is that we haven't spent a lot of time alone recently - mainly because of everything that happened with Zod. So I decided right then and there that I was going to take Lois to this place._

_I think staying a few days at a bed-and-breakfast is just what we need. And hopefully, we'll be using the 'bed' part more than the 'breakfast part. Or maybe I could have my breakfast on the bed - if you know what I mean._

_*winks*_


	15. Journal Entry 15

**JOURNAL ENTRY # 15**

**Kent Farm - Loft**

**7:30 P.M. **

Hi, Amber. I wanted to take some time before Lois arrives and before _NCIS_ comes on to write about our weekend at the Bed and Breakfast I mentioned in my last entry. I should start by saying that _NCIS_ is one of the few television programs I make a point of watching every week. I get such a kick out of Gibbs smacking DiNozzo on the back of the head.

*laughs*

Lois on the other hand loves Ziva. Now she hasn't told me why, but I think it's because she enjoys watching Ziva bust DiNozzo's chops. I once asked her if that sounded familiar to her, but she feigned ignorance. *rolls eyes* There is one relationship on the show that resonates with me on a deeper level and that's the one between Abby and Timothy. Now you're probably wondering why.

*pauses a moment*

I just love the kind of friendship they have. It reminds me of Lois and I because friendship is the foundation of _our_ relationship. Even though they're not a couple on the show, you can feel the love they have for each other. I'm not talking about a romantic kind of love, but the kind you have for a friend. That's the kind of love I have for Chloe. I know that things have been strained between us lately, but she'll _always_ be my friend. Speaking of Chloe, would you believe that Lois and I ran into her at the Bed and Breakfast we went to? You will _not_ believe who was with her - and in a matching robe no less.

*shakes head in disbelief*

I'll tell you all about that in a bit. Let me start with my going back to the _Daily Planet_ to pick up Lois for our getaway weekend. She didn't know where we were going because I had kept it a secret, so she packed several suitcases. I finally revealed to her that we were going to a Scottish Bed and Breakfast called the_ McDougal Inn_. She was beaming from ear to ear as she picked up the appropriate suitcase. I took her arm and we walked out.

I was really excited about this weekend because it was our first official getaway as a couple. I couldn't wait to hang that _Do Not Disturb_ sign on the doorknob and have my way with my lady love. Yes, I said "lady love." I could have said girlfriend, but I like the sound of "lady love."

*chuckles*

I was hoping that we would make it in time for dinner, but no such luck. I had to drive forty miles out of our way because Lois insisted on going to see the world's biggest ball of yarn.

*chuckles to self*

It was that detour - along with the lightning and pouring rain that caused us to arrive late at the inn. Lois was complaining how hungry she was and that all she had to eat was a granola bar she kept in her purse for the longest time. I had half a mind to give her the kiss that usually shuts her up. I didn't do it because I figured that I would soon get to kiss her on more than just her lips. I reminded her why we were late, and she replied I would thank her later.

I knew exactly what she meant.

I had to ring the bell that was located on the counter because there was nobody behind it. We stood there staring at each other and smiling, but I could tell that Lois was getting impatient. Then she finally gave in and rang that bell a couple more times in succession. I couldn't help but grin at how adorable she was in that moment..

I couldn't help but think of Jimmy as Lois continued to ring that bell. I thought about how much he would get a kick out of Lois and I being together. If he were here right now, he would be extending his fist and telling me to ring that bell; referring to me as CK instead of Clark.

He was my friend and I miss him.

The Innkeeper finally appeared and I apologized to her for not only the bell ringing but for being late as well. I told her that we had a reservation under the name of Kent. She hesitated a moment, then said something that threatened to ruin our romantic weekend.

There was a leaky pipe in our room.

Lois was not very happy about it as the lady went on to tell us that she tried to get in touch with us, but the cell reception was terrible out there. I told her we would take any room available, but she replied she had given the last room away before she discovered the leaky pipe. Lois saw the name Mr. & Mrs. Green in the sign-up book and expressed the hope that they weren't unpacked because the only inn they would be staying at was the one named _Holiday._

I said to the lady that maybe I could fix the pipe. She told me which room it was and I immediately walked over there. I opened the door and found a nearly full bucket of water, along with everything else piled up into a corner.

This was not going to be a problem.

I used my heat vision to seal the leak, then super-sped around the room. I made that room look exactly like the picture in the brochure. I started a fire and lit some candles. I couldn't wait to see the expression on Lois' face.

I was about to return to the lobby when I heard Lois saying she had been through worse things. She turned around and stopped in mid-sentence at the sight of the room. I told her I was able to seal the leak with my heat vision. She had the biggest smile on her face.

_Clark Kent, my hero._

Three hours later, I was nervously waiting for Lois to get ready. I don't know why I was nervous because we've already made love, but I couldn't help it. I fiddled around with the comforter, then dimmed the lights to make the room look more romantic. Then I turned to look over where Lois was changing and saw her silhouette.

Now if I thought that imagery was sexy, imagine how she looked when she finally stepped out from behind the screen wearing a short ice blue spaghetti-strapped nightgown that hugged her curves in all the right places.

She was right when she said she would thank me later.

It took all of my self control to not strip that nightgown off her body and make wild passionate love to her. She stood there and asked me if it was too much. It definitely wasn't too much, so I told her the truth.

_You're perfect._

She smiled at me and said it was bedtime. She made her way over to the bed and slipped under the covers. I immediately joined her and laid on my side facing her. She had the sweetest smile on her face as she said not to let the bedbugs bite. As far as I was concerned, the only thing that would bite me was...never mind. I whispered sweet dreams and we started to lean in toward each other to kiss, but something interrupted us.

We heard a piercing scream coming from outside.

Lois put on her bathrobe and we made our way down to the lobby. Apparently the other guests had the same idea. The Innkeeper told us that it was probably a wolf, then said we could go back to bed and that everything was okay. I put my arm around Lois and we started walking down the darkened hallway when the lights came back on.

Chloe and Oliver were standing there wearing matching red plaid bathrobes.

I had no idea that Chloe and Oliver were even dating. Neither did Lois. All she was able to say was, _"Twist." _We returned to our room and she immediately started talking about what we had just witnessed. All I wanted was a romantic evening with the woman I loved. I figured that once she got it all out of her system, then we could pick up where we left off. She finally did stop talking a couple hours later, but...

She fell asleep.

Lois was going on about how I could be so _eh _about Oliver and Chloe as we went downstairs for breakfast the next morning. She asked me if I knew they were dating but answered the question before I could open my mouth. She suggested inviting them to sit with us. I told her that we should give them some space because they obviously came here to get away from it all.

To escape like we did.

She apologized for the verbal marathon and falling asleep the night before, but promised that tonight would be about the two of us. I told her that I waited for three hours and would wait forever. She said forever was a long time, but smiled as she said it. Then she noticed Chloe and Oliver as they were about to come downstairs and called up to them to come join us.

That was just great. *frowns*

They came downstairs and we both pulled up a chair for the two of them. They sat down and I made a quip about Chloe having a quiet weekend at home. She replied that she didn't know about Lois and I coming here. Of course that's when Lois started monopolizing the conversation; rambling on about how the two of them being together was perfect. She even went on to say that it was fate that brought them together. I somehow doubted that.

*scoffs*

I thought I could count on Oliver to make some kind of smart remark with that cocky smirk to accompany it. Unfortunately, I had no such luck. He seemed unusually silent about the whole conversation. He finally muttered something about it not being fate and that's when Chloe jumped in and made up some story about not wanting the society pages to find _Star City's_ most eligible bachelor. I looked over at Lois and I knew she wasn't buying a word of it. That's when she turned the tables on Chloe and told her that Oliver was now an ex-bachelor. Then Chloe managed to deflect the question and turn it back on us.

She asked how we found out about the inn.

I said I found the brochure at the apartment and thought that Lois wanted to come here. Lois looked at me with confusion and asked what brochure I was talking about. Chloe then piped up about it being hers. I glanced over at Oliver and saw him fighting the urge to laugh at me. He finally said that I had to learn how to use context clues.

All I wanted was a weekend of romance and what did I get? A comedy of errors.

Lois suddenly declared to Chloe that there was food on the buffet and got up. As soon as both of them had arrived at the buffet table, I saw Lois grab Chloe's arm and pull her outside. I could have very easily activated my super-hearing, but resisted the impulse because I knew there would be another verbal marathon about that conversation when we were alone again.

In the meantime, there was what Lois would call a very uncomfortable silence between Oliver and I. I was tapping my fingers on the table and Oliver was going on about the little jellies. Then there was more silence until he asked if I had saved any orphans or old ladies lately. It was obvious he didn't want to talk about Chloe. I went along with it at first by telling him about the bank robbery I stopped and he said it sounded like fun stuff. When I asked him if there was anything new, he replied he was trying out a new compound bow.

Fascinating stuff.

NOT.

I finally broached the subject by starting to say that it wasn't my place, but he didn't want to talk about it. When he asked how did I know that this wasn't what Chloe wanted, I told him not to take her for granted because I had done it for years and didn't want him to repeat the same mistakes I made. That's when Lois and Chloe finally returned with their food. Oliver and I then went up to get ours once they sat down. We didn't talk anymore about it once we returned to the table. The conversation was finally back to normal - as normal as it could be considering the circumstances.

Lois and I decided to go for a walk around the grounds after breakfast. We were enjoying the beautiful morning and just reveling in being with each other. I felt like we were reconnecting. Not that we had lost touch with each other, but it just felt so good to be alone with the woman I love without the distractions of my Blur duties. We held hands as we continued walking through the woods. It was a pretty uneventful walk and the rest of the day was too.

For a change.

Later that night, Lois handed me some towels and literally pushed me out of the room. She said to give her ten minutes and I would get a surprise. I smiled back at her and replied that something told me that she would never stop surprising me. She kissed me, then stepped back and closed the door between us.

I saw Chloe on my way to the bathroom. All I said was her name as I passed her by. I went inside and turned on the shower. Even though the hot water doesn't affect me, it still felt good. Of course I wish Lois were with me. Not that we hadn't before. *blushes* Until Lois, I wasn't a singing in the shower person, but being with her brings out the playful side of me. I was singing a song called _I can't tell you, Lois._ I made it up before I told Lois my secret.

I really should come up with a new song. *shrugs*

I pulled back the shower curtain because I knew I would be getting my surprise any minute. That's when I heard footsteps and figured it was Lois. I did end up getting a surprise all right - just not the one I was expecting.

Chloe was standing there wrapped only in a towel.

I averted my eyes as I covered up and asked what she was doing there. She said she was hoping to join me and promptly pulled off the towel. There she was standing naked in front of me and all I could think of was that I wish it was Lois instead. I had to put away that thought for the time being and figure out what the hell was going on. I found another towel and covered her up without looking directly at her. I asked if she was drunk, and she replied as she wrapped her arms around me that we could share a bottle or take a moonlight walk in the woods. I may have instinctively had my hands on her back, but I was pushing her away from me.

Of course that's when Lois chose to come in and give my surprise.

I momentarily forgot about Chloe and stared back at Lois. She was wearing a Scottish kilt with a beret and knee socks. She looked so cute in it that I couldn't resist using my x-ray vision to find out if she was going commando under that kilt. To my delight, she was. I know I shouldn't have violated her privacy like that - but like I said before, she just brings out the playful and mischievous sides of me.

*blushes*

I finally remembered that Chloe was standing next to me when Lois pulled off her beret and looked at me with disgust in her eyes. I tried to explain what was going on, but she wouldn't hear any of it. She retorted that I could do it over breakfast in the next century and handed over the bottle of lotion before rushing out of the room. I started to call out her name, but then Chloe fainted in my arms. She stared at me in shock when she woke up and asked what was going on, then rushed out of the bathroom.

This weekend was becoming less romantic by the minute.

Crap, I just realized that I'm on my way to writing yet another missive. What's wrong with me anyway? Why do I keep on writing such long journal entries? Could it be that Lois is bringing out more than just my playful and mischievous sides? I wish I knew. I haven't even gotten to the part where both Chloe and Lois were possessed by a centuries old spirit called the _Silver Banshee._

You heard right, Amber. I'll tell you about that in a minute.

After I changed into my clothes, I caught up with Chloe and we began to start looking for both Lois and Oliver. She first suggested that maybe they were together drowning their sorrows in a bottle, but I somehow doubted that. She said she couldn't remember anything from the moment she entered the woods until she woke up in my arms and saw me wearing a towel. Thank goodness she didn't remember the rest. When she asked me if I saw her take off her robe, I turned my head away and didn't answer her.

She stated this was the last couples' vacation we would take together. I retorted it would be the last one I would ever take with anyone if I didn't find Lois. She then asked me a question that I didn't expect.

She asked why I brought Lois to a Bed and Breakfast when I had issues about being intimate with a non-powered person.

Was she freaking kidding me? Did she not know that Lois and I had already made love? I guess that Lois never talked about it with her. I was both relieved and disturbed at the same time. At least if she knew, then we wouldn't be having this discussion. I told her as tactfully as I could that my training with Jor-El helped me to control my powers better. I then turned it back on her and asked her why _she _didn't have any control when she walked in on me in the shower. She retorted that she and Oliver were having a talk about what I had said to him about not taking her for granted and she decided to take a walk.

I don't know what Oliver told her, but it really wasn't important right now. I asked her to show me where she had been walking, and we made our way over to the spot in the woods where she dropped the lantern. We looked around and saw some dirt that had been disturbed. I looked closer and saw a pair of feet sticking out from beneath some foliage. It was a dead body all right. Then Chloe said that this wasn't the weekend she had in mind.

Well, duh! It wasn't what I had in mind either.

I was sorely tempted to make a snarky remark, but held myself back. We had to find out what happened to the poor guy lying there. I asked her if she thought she might have done it, but then she remembered seeing someone out there that looked like a phantom. She was black and white and looked really weird. That was the last thing she remembered. It sounded to me that she was possessed. I told her she didn't appear to be possessed anymore, but we needed to find that spirit before someone else was killed.

As we were walking out of the woods, I suddenly remembered reading something in the brochure about the legend of Siobhan McDougal. I began to wonder if there was some kind of connection between the legend and what had just happened. I mentioned it to Chloe and we promptly returned to the inn and asked the Innkeeper to tell us more about it. She said it was just a ghost story and wasn't real, but I firmly told her that she had a confused co-ed in her living room and a dead body in her yard.

We needed to hear the rest of Siobhan's story.

She scoffed at the notion that a centuries old spirit had come back for revenge. Chloe replied that we have seen weirder things. After a moment, she started telling us about Siobhan McDougal. After her brother had her killed, her soul was sent to the underworld and given great powers. Chloe asked her what kind of powers, and she replied, "Uncommon strength and the ability to slay any man that hears her wail." It sounded like she had super-strength like me and a wail like Dinah a.k.a. Black Canary. Then she told us that the superstitious villagers gave her a name.

They called her the _Silver Banshee_.

I briefly wondered where they got that name, but returned my attention to what the Innkeeper was telling us. She went on to tell us that there was a relic in Siobhan's own image that contained a portal so she could return to the real world. She also said that after several deaths in the village, Siobhan's brother Bevan feared that he would be her next victim. He then performed an ancient Scottish ritual that sealed the portal shut with her own spilled blood. I asked if it was a statue or engraving - but before she could answer, Chloe looked at the painting of Bevan. I immediately x-rayed the painting and discovered the image of a woman beneath Bevan's portrait.

I couldn't tell the Innkeeper that I could actually see the portrait of Siobhan, but mused that her image was probably underneath her brothers' portrait. Chloe came over and said that the portal was probably opened when Lois accidently scraped it. I told her she needed to find out how to close the portal. In the meantime, I was going to find out who Siobhan inhabited next.

I sped into the woods when I heard her wail. Oliver was lying on the ground with his hands over his ears. The spirit was standing there dressed in black and white - just like Chloe described. When I called her by her name, she actually sounded impressed. I told her that I knew her story, but that killing men wouldn't make up for what was done to her. She replied maybe not, but that it did make her feel better.

She then opened her mouth and wailed.

I super-sped towards her and used my heat vision at the same time; thinking that the two of them combined would overpower her supersonic wail, but it threw me backwards onto the ground. She was stunned that I wasn't dead, so she started to wail again. Instead, there was a burst of flame and she was gone. Lois fell to the ground.

Chloe and the Innkeeper must have figured it out.

I helped Oliver get back on his feet and turned back to where Lois was laying on the ground. I picked her up, and asked Ollie if he could make it back on his own. He nodded and I super-sped back to the inn and into our room, laying her on the bed. After a few minutes, I went back to the lobby and saw that Chloe was still there with the Innkeeper. She briefly told us how they were able to seal the portal, then she and Oliver went up to their room. He must have been in better shape than I thought if he made it back as quick as he had.

I immediately went back up to our room. Lois was still wearing the costume she had on before she was possessed. I sat down on the bed next to her and lightly stroked her face, then got up and changed into my sweatpants and a t-shirt. I laid down next to her with my arm draped over her arm and fell asleep.

It wasn't exactly the romantic weekend I was hoping for, but it certainly was interesting.

When Lois woke up the next morning, I told her the whole story. She replied after I finished that she believed me because I would never make up something like that. I smiled back at her, then reluctantly said we had to check out.

As we walked through the doorway to her apartment - she said that as incredible as our attempt at R & R was, maybe we should skip the B & B's for a while. When I replied that our first weekend away together could have been worse, she quipped that she was possessed by a 300-year old Scottish Banshee and almost killed me. I said as I walked towards her that seeing the world's largest ball of yarn made the whole trip worthwhile.

Of course she had to have the last word by saying that if it weren't for her stellar sense of direction, I would still be lost. I stopped in front of her and just gazed at her beautiful face for a moment. I came out of my little trance when she said "what?" That's when I gave in to my primal instincts.

I picked her up and set her down on the kitchen counter.

I pulled her flush against my chest and kissed her. She was surprised at first, but then quickly gave in to her own primal instincts. I pulled off her jacket and she returned the favor. Then she suddenly pulled away because her cell phone was vibrating.

Now normally I would have told her to answer it because it could be about a story. Not this time. I found her cell phone and tossed it onto the couch. I waited all weekend to be with her and I would not allow any more interruptions_. _I knew my actions totally threw her for a loop. She began to protest, but I instead swept her into my arms and sped us into her bedroom.

Lois Lane was going to get another tour of Clark Kent's galaxy.

A few hours later, I left for a few seconds because Lois insisted on having coffee and maple donuts. I knew the real reason was that she was dying to check her voicemail. I just pretended I wasn't on to her. I walked back in the apartment holding the bag and she stared back at me in shock. I came over to her and asked what was wrong and she told me.

There was a message from _The Blur_.

Now I was the one in shock. That was impossible because I'M the Blur. It had to be an imposter. I shuddered to think what might have happened if I hadn't told Lois the truth. We talked about it for a while, then she came up with a plan. I was a little leery about it, but she felt that it was the only way to find out who it was and what he wanted. I reluctantly agreed to it but made her promise that she would be extra careful. Lois was about to put on the performance of her life.

She was going to play dumb and work with the fake Blur.

*closes book*

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	16. Journal Entry 16

_**JOURNAL ENTRY # 16**_

_**Kent Farm - Loft**_

_**10:00 P.M.**_

_Hey, Amber,_

_I know I haven't written an entry since Lois and I came back from our getaway weekend, but it's because I've been particularly busy with 'Blur' activities. The criminals of Metropolis have been keeping me very busy. Can't they give me a break and let me have just one night with my girlfriend? I don't think that's too much to ask. _

_*sigh* _

_That's enough ranting for now. I suppose I could tell you what's been happening lately. Oliver was 'recruited' by a secret government organization called Checkmate. Their leader, Amanda Waller, believes that aliens want to take over the Earth. Then Tess Mercer turned out to be one of Checkmate's operatives and was in on the 'recruitment.' She also found out that Oliver was Green Arrow. Chloe was then kidnapped because Waller hoped that I would give up the names of my team and join her organization. I also found out that our team has a protocol. Then my closest ally, John Jones, was keeping some important information from us about the organization. _

_I suppose I could tell you the entire story, but frankly I'm just tired of writing such long journal entries. So I'm just going to talk about a couple of them. Let me start with the protocol._

_I was sitting in the recliner with Lois on my lap and was kissing her senseless when Chloe called me in a panicked voice. She informed me that she believed Oliver had disappeared while patrolling because he hadn't checked in. At first, all I could think of was that it was supposed to be my night off and she ruined it because she was panicking over nothing. Then I figured that the sooner I went over there, the sooner I could get back to Lois._

_I put my t-shirt back on and told Lois I would be back as soon as I could, gave her a quick kiss, then super-sped over to Watchtower. I tried to calm Chloe down by telling her that just because he hadn't checked in; it didn't mean that something was wrong. She interrupted me by telling me something that I have to say flabbergasted me._

_Oliver always follows protocol._

_Protocol? What protocol? When I asked her what the heck she was talking about, she replied snidely that the others always check in with Watchtower while they're out on patrol. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Neither Oliver or the team had informed me that there was such a thing as protocol. Of course her not telling me all this does not surprise me. There are so many things she's been keeping from me. _

_No wonder our friendship is on shaky ground._

_She snapped at me that I was too busy watching everybody else's back to remember that we should also be watching each other's back. Can you believe that? For a brief moment I wondered if her snapping back at me was because she was covering up her feelings for Oliver. I'm sure it was part of it, but not all of it. Doesn't she realize that by watching everybody else's back, that I was protecting our team at the same time?_

_I guess not._

_To make a long story short, Oliver managed to escape and showed up while Chloe and I were 'discussing' what to do. The relief on her face told me that what she had with Oliver was more than a 'no strings attached' kind of thing._

_She was falling for him and vice versa._

_I went back to the farm and found Lois curled up on the couch reading a magazine. She looked up with a smile when I walked into the room and sat down next to her. She tossed the magazine aside and pushed me down on my back, then straddled my waist and pulled off my t-shirt. Of course I had to even the score and pull hers off too._

_*smiles wickedly*_

_I know you would just love to read more juicy tidbits about my sex life with Lois, but you're just going to have to use your own imagination to fill in the blanks. *wink*_

_Anyway, the next thing I should talk about is what John was keeping from us. He showed up where Oliver was last spotted. I super-sped away from Watchtower and arrived seconds later. He was surprised to see me and asked what I was doing there. I told him that this was the last spot Oliver was seen before he disappeared. He didn't seem worried and acted as if it was no big deal. I asked him how he knew that Oliver was missing and he replied he was conducting police business._

_I knew he was keeping something from me._

_I told him he needed to trust me, but he didn't answer me. I decided to x-ray his coat and discovered what looked like an ear piece in his pocket. He got angry and snapped that I shouldn't have done that, then flew away. I felt bad that I broke his trust in me, but hoped that we could work it out. I'll get back to him in a bit. _

_Later on while Checkmate had Chloe tied up, I showed up at Amanda Waller's office and confronted her. I hid in the shadows as she said that she wanted to make a deal with me. In exchange for Chloe's freedom, I would have to reveal the identities of my team and the location of Watchtower._

_In other words, she wanted me to betray my team. _

_Now that was something I could not do. Then she turned on the monitor and showed me the image of Chloe tied up. I tried to hone in on her location by using my super hearing, but I wasn't able to. That's when Waller told me something that made my blood run cold. _

_She had proof that aliens existed._

_I tried to stay calm, but it was very difficult. She told me that not only did she have alien blood, but that it was time for me to choose a side. I stepped out of the shadows and revealed myself, but it wasn't enough for her. She still wanted the names of my team and the data for Watchtower in exchange for Chloe's freedom._

_I said that I would still come after her and destroy her organization even if I gave up that information. Then she said something else that I confess hadn't occurred to me._

_She said I left my most valuable ally vulnerable._

_Well, that did it. I made the difficult decision to give her the information, but suddenly the power went out. When Waller got a phone call, I listened in and heard a voice asking if it was okay to shoot. I followed the sound of the voice and located Chloe just in the nick of time. We looked at each other as I took off her gag, but there were no words spoken between us. I then super-sped us back to Watchtower. _

_I realized that Waller was right about Chloe being my most valuable ally, so I apologized to Chloe for not only abandoning her - but for everything. She replied that we were both a day late and a dollar short in that department. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. After all the things she's kept from me, this is how she reacts? I honestly didn't know what to say. She went on to say I pushed her away because I didn't trust her. Well, didn't I have a reason not to? She bugged my house and violated my privacy. She had kryptonite weapons stockpiled; knowing they could easily be used against me. Then we disagreed on how to handle the Kandorian issue. _

_She was right about trying to keep the team together. However, the decisions she made to unify our team ultimately threatened to tear it apart. I really hope we can keep it together, but then she told me that Waller saw all our faces and would come after us._

_I went back to the farm and went up to the loft. I heard footsteps and turned around to see John standing there. He told me that our identities were safe, which put my mind at ease. I admitted to him that Waller wasn't wrong about my having to choose sides. There was a look of concern on his face that I had never seen before. He took a deep breath before answering._

_He said I was the person who would bring all sides together._

_I asked him why he didn't ask us to join his operation, but he replied that he wanted to keep us off Checkmate's radar. I appreciated his concern for us, but still reminded him that he didn't have to go at it alone. When I asked whom he was working for, he didn't answer and instead turned away from me._

_I couldn't help but wonder if the reason was that he didn't trust me. He turned back around and said that there were more players on the board than we realized and that it wasn't all black and white._

_When he mentioned about it not being all black and white, I couldn't help but think of that Billy Joel song Shades of Grey. There's one particular verse that perfectly describes how I feel about the kind of decisions I have to make every day._

_Shades of grey wherever I go  
The more I find out the less that I know  
Black and white is how it should be  
But shades of grey are the colors I see_

_On a side note, I did hold Tess Mercer over the side of a building until she gave up the location of Checkmate's headquarters. Of course I never would have dropped her, but she didn't have to know that. *wink*_

_I have to go now because Lois just called to inform me that she was dressed in my all-time favorite outfit._

_*slams book shut and runs off*_

_**SHADES OF GREY - BILLY JOEL**_

Some things were perfectly clear,  
seen with the vision of youth  
No doubts and nothing to fear,  
I claimed the corner on truth  
These days it's harder to say  
I know what I'm fighting for  
My faith is falling away  
I'm not that sure anymore

Shades of grey wherever I go  
The more I find out the less that I know  
Black and white is how it should be  
But shades of grey are the colors I see

Once there were trenches and walls  
and one point of every view  
Fight 'til the other man falls  
Kill him before he kills you  
These days the edges are blurred,  
I'm old and tired of war  
I hear the other man's words  
I'm not that sure anymore

Shades of grey are all that I find  
When I look to the enemy line  
Black and white was so easy for me  
But shades of grey are the colors I see

Now with the wisdom of years  
I try to reason things out  
And the only people I fear  
are those who never have doubts  
Save us all from arrogant men,  
and all the causes they're for  
I won't be righteous again  
I'm not that sure anymore

Shades of grey are all that I find  
when I look to the enemy line  
There ain't no rainbows shining on me  
Shades of grey are the colors I see

Shades of grey wherever I go  
The more I find out the less that I know  
There ain't no rainbows shining on me  
Shades of grey are the colors I see


	17. Journal Entry 17

_**JOURNAL ENTRY # 17**_

_**Kent Farm - Loft**_

_**7:00 A.M.**_

_It's me, Amber._

_I haven't had much time to write in you lately because there have been a lot of things going on. I know I've said that before, but it's the truth. I was infected by red kryptonite once again. Yep, you heard right. While I was infected by it, I discovered that Zod had powers and was able to fly. Can you believe that? Everybody seems to fly before me. If anybody should be flying, it should be me and not Zod. _

_*frowns* _

_Jor-El told me that it's all in my mind. He also said I tend to think like a human. Well, duh. What did he expect when he sent me on a three year journey from Krypton to Earth? Didn't he realize that I would grow up among humans and learn their ways? _

_*rolls eyes*_

_That's enough ranting for now. Let me tell you about how I was infected in the first place. _

_Lois was working on a story involving Tess and one of her secret labs, so I hadn't seen much of her for about a week. I entered her apartment one morning and found her still sleeping. I couldn't resist crawling into the bed and laying down next to her. I softly kissed her neck, then her bare shoulder and waited for her to wake up. _

_She rolled onto her back and slowly opened her eyes. I couldn't help smiling at her as I said hi to her. I mentioned the fact that she was wearing jeans and a tank top. Since when does she wear jeans to bed? Then I noticed the deep scratch on her forearm. I wanted to know what she had been doing the night before, so I told her that it would be a good idea to keep nothing between us. She had the look in her eyes she usually gets when she's up to something devious. She said it could be arranged, then grabbed hold of my jacket and pulled me closer to her. A moment later, I found myself flat on my back with her straddling my upper thighs. She pulled off her tank top, then unhooked her bra._

_Let's just say that I forgot all about what happened the night before and surrendered to the charms of Lois Lane._

_An hour later, she was laying on top of me as she told me about the explosion of red particles and how she ended up falling down something that resembled an elevator shaft. What else was new? *rolls eyes* She then told me that she thought she was rescued by Zod aka the fake Blur, but she wasn't sure because she was unconscious._

_After she finished the story, I flipped her onto her back and was kissing her down her neck when her cell phone began to ring. She said she better get it because it might be Zod calling and she didn't want him to suspect that we were on to him. I reached for her phone and handed it to her as I continued to rain kisses down her body while she talked to him. After she hung up, she pushed me off her and straddled me once again. Of course I couldn't resist teasing her about her penchant for always wanting to be on top. She furrowed her brows for a moment, then fired back with a snappy retort._

_She said I always like to follow her - if you catch my drift. _

_Okay, that's enough sex talk for now. After she hung up with him, she told me that she didn't think it was Zod who rescued her. I asked her why and she replied that he sounded surprised when she thanked him. Now she has no idea who saved her and brought her home._

_I hope I don't have yet another problem to contend with._

_She told me where the secret lab was, then kissed me because she had an errand to do. We got dressed, then exited the building and I super-sped away. I found the spot she told me about and found my way into the outer hallway of the lab. There was a cloud of red smoke still hanging in the air. I was breathing in some of the smoke when I started to get that tingly feeling that only happens when I'm affected by Red-K. Of course now I know that's what it was, but at that moment I didn't care._

_I felt so free._

_I went over to Watchtower and started typing on Chloe's computer when she came in. She quipped about being downsized in the bureaucratic world of superheroes. I replied that I had gotten tired of waiting for her and she remarked that someone woke up on the wrong side of the planet. I have to admit that sometimes it really annoys me when she makes a smart aleck remark like that one. She thinks she's soooo smart. *purses lips* Then her eyes widened when she saw the thermo-radioactive scan of North America on the computer monitor. She asked me why I had it on screen and I told her._

_Tess was storing meteor rock around the country._

_I said that Tess was going to pay for it and headed towards the elevator when she called out to me that we couldn't take Tess down for it and that I was connecting the dots in the wrong order. I said that Tess was the only one who knew about what kryptonite did to me. That's when she said something that stopped me in my tracks._

_Except for me...and Oliver._

_I didn't realize my eyes had flashed a bright red as I snapped back that she and Oliver had betrayed me. She attempted to explain herself. I interrupted her by retorting that she was stockpiling weapons that could kill me. Would you believe she said it wasn't for me, but for Kryptonians? _

_Now that was a load of crap._

_Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh, Amber, but I guess it's what I felt deep inside. After all, Red-K does release my inhibitions and I end up saying how I feel._

_I yelled back that I was Kryptonian and she replied that it was only for insurance. I accused her of thinking that I might turn on her. I pushed her back hard and she fell to the floor. I leaned over her; grabbing her by the jacket and said I was such a fool to think that she could ever understand me. I also said that at least Tess didn't pretend like she did all these years. When she said that there might be a war someday, I retorted that there was a war right now, and that she was about to lose it. I then used my heat vision to burn my family crest on one of the walls, then gave her a smirk and sped off._

_I arrived at one of the locations where Chloe had stored meteor rock. There was a truck parked there. I was looking at it when the doors flung open. _

_It was John Corben._

_I thought he had died months earlier - apparently not. I started to feel weak and almost fell to the ground because of the green kryptonite affixed to his chest, but then I backed away a few feet and was able to stand up. He stared at me while I glared back. I was all set to use my heat vision on him when a fireball hit the truck and blew it into a million pieces. I was briefly confused because I had no idea what happened. That's when Zod showed up. He landed right in front of me. I couldn't believe it. He actually flew. _

_*scowls* _

_We exchanged looks, then he super-sped away. I finally located him in an empty warehouse. He started spouting Kierkegaard and talking about the cleaning baptism that redeems the soul. He turned around to face me and said how the only thing on their planet that could harm us is a piece of our own._

_I super-sped over to him; grabbing him by the throat and lifting him off his feet. I'm sure my eyes must have flashed red again as I accused him of lying about having powers. When I asked him how he got them, he put his hand over mine and pulled it off. He then said something that caused a shiver to go up my spine._

_From you. From your blood._

_I let him go and he said it was when I saved him. I had a bad feeling back then that it might come back to bite me in the ass and unfortunately I was right. He went on to talk about how I was the greatest contradiction of all and that I was dedicating my life to the greater good and deceiving the ones I love the most._

_He had no idea that all my loved ones know my secret._

_He also said I had become far too calculating to play the naive farm boy anymore and that my closest friends feared me because they would never understand me. I have to admit that deep down that thought has occurred to me, but I've never wanted to admit it to anyone. He continued on by saying that I needed him and asked who else in my world has ever truly been my equal._

_I answered back that I have no equal._

_He replied that I couldn't see it. He rattled on about how I was a modern-day Messiah whose symbol is worshipped by the mere mortals at his feet - a God who rips decisions out of the hands of fate. _

_He sounds just like Jor-EL. *rolls eyes*_

_He said there was a real threat out there to both of us and that with my map of the kryptonite arsenals, we could take out any defense they have against us and that nothing can stop us. Then he asked me a question._

_Who will you join?_

_I turned my back on him and walked a few feet away from him. He scoffed at the notion of my friends. He said my friends have stockpiled weapons around the world to kill me. Then he mentioned the one man who weighs the same decisions, struggles with the same dilemmas, and who just saved my life. That's when I turned around and made my decision._

_I extended my hand to him and he grasped my arm._

_A few minutes later, we were walking away from the burning remains of one of Chloe's kryptonite stock holds. Of course Zod was droning on and on about how reticent I was up to now about joining forces. I replied sarcastically that I was sure there was some quote about betrayal stinging the most when it's from someone you trust. He replied that my father could have rattled it off and that I reminded him of him._

_I replied that I'd rather not hear it._

_We went on to talk about Jor-El some more. I said that I didn't get to know him like he did and he said that they used to fight until all hours of the night. I asked if my father was stubborn like me and he replied that he was, but it didn't mean that he didn't respect him. He then remarked that I must have had a friend that I had a connection with where we were opposite sides of the same soul._

_I thought about Lex in that moment, but all I ended up saying that it happened once a long time ago._

_He replied that I no longer had to worry about people envying me or fearing me because I now have a family who understands. I smiled at him and said, "Good," then said that maybe it was time to live a little._

_I sped off and he followed me._

_We ended up standing on the roof of the Seattle Space Needle. He remarked that it was quite a view. I responded wistfully how everything seemed so clear from up there and wondered why it took me so long to see it. He said that sometimes it just takes somebody to share your perspective. He turned his head to me and wished that my father could see us now, then turned it back._

_I said he can._

_He looked at me again and I told him something that looking back now I totally regret telling him._

_I asked him if he wanted to say hello to his old friend Jor-El._

_He stared at me with surprise. I was about to respond when I felt a drop of rain on my hand. I looked at it for a moment, then looked up at him and said we should give the people of Seattle a little surprise._

_I used my super breath to create a snowstorm._

_Right after, I brought Zod to the Fortress and welcomed him home as a brother. He looked around as I started thrusting crystals into the console without success. I was muttering on and on about how it wasn't working. Obviously Jor-El wasn't rolling out the welcome mat. _

_I yelled out to him about him vanishing as soon as I embraced my heritage. _

_Zod remarked about how he wasn't surprised - given what I had told him about his role in the last days of Krypton. I told him that Jor-El couldn't blame him for something he hadn't done yet. He replied wistfully how it took me almost a year to warm up to him, so he didn't expect his discerning old friend to give him any more latitude._

_I said it was all right and that I've learned everything I need. Then he surprised me by saying that I shouldn't be too quick to dismiss what Jor-El had to offer. After my momentary surprise at his words, I retorted that I could live without constant lectures and mind games. Then he said something very profound._

_How about the answers to everything in the universe?_

_I scoffed at the notion. _

_He replied that he was a skeptic too. He went on to say that on Krypton, children were raised to revere the red sun god, Rao, and that unlike our civilizations superstition had no place in their beliefs. _

_Religion was science and not some mystical questioning of it. _

_He told me that my father left the Book of Rao on this Earth. He referred to it as the Kryptonian bible. He said with the Fortress and the knowledge in the book, there was no limit to what we could achieve._

_I confess that I was very tempted by what he was telling me - but before I could respond, there was a sudden flash of light coming from the portal. We both looked over and saw the back of a man standing there. Zod asked how he got in here and that's when the mysterious man turned around._

_It was John Corben._

_I answered his question by saying it was Chloe. Then John started walking towards us and opened his jacket; once again revealing the kryptonite heart affixed to his chest. I started to weaken, but Zod quickly super-sped far enough behind him._

_I aimed my heat vision at the ceiling and caused ice to collapse on top of him. He slowly got up and was feeling his neck. I don't know why, but really didn't care. He looked around and quipped that he liked what I did with the place. He started walking towards me, but of course I couldn't let him come any closer._

_We both used our super breath on him and turned him into a huge ice cube._

_We walked over to look at him and Zod remarked how he thought he had gotten a chilly welcome. Then I noticed his kryptonite heart glowing. As we both stood there in shock, the ice broke apart with such force that we both were thrown to the ground._

_He brushed the ice off him and promptly kicked Zod half-way across the Fortress, then pulled out a sharp piece of kryptonite and said he didn't blame me for frying him. As he walked towards me - his breath erratic - he went on to say that somebody who cared about me sent him to save me and that he owed me one. I was laughing sarcastically when I asked if it was my lucky day to be saved. He then knelt over me and grabbed my coat and said we don't always know when we need saving._

_That's when he stabbed me with the piece of kryptonite._

_He left it inside me for a moment, then pulled it out and stood up. I gradually stood up and clutched my stomach and stared back at him with surprise. He said I could thank him another time, then walked over to the portal and used the octagon key to disappear. I looked over to where Zod had fallen, but he was gone._

_I'm looking back at what I've written and still can't believe I've used up almost eight pages already. I haven't even gotten to the part where I went over to talk to Chloe._

_*sighs*_

_When I arrived at Watchtower, she was busy scraping the symbol I burned on the wall. She quietly said how she didn't think it was a good idea to get the handyman to repair it. She looked at me and I told her that I wished I had an apology on video because it would have saved me a lot of time this year. That's when she finally admitted that she did her fair share of trespassing as well._

_It was the closest thing I ever got to an apology._

_I mentioned the part about amassing the only weapons that could kill me and she said that was it. When I said that maybe she was the one who saw things clearly from the beginning, she turned around and I went on to tell her about how in the future her kryptonite armory was the only thing that saved the world. I know I shocked her with my next words._

_My turning my back on her and Oliver was not all because of the Red-K. It might have been some sort of wish fulfillment. _

_She replied that all I had to do was ask if I wanted to redecorate the place._

_I went on to talk about how she and Lois are like sisters and that they have an understanding, a shorthand I've never known. She stared at me and said that they were family. I sighed when I said it was something I don't have much of anymore. I told her that Zod and I were raised in different worlds, but somehow through the isolation and the burdens, even losing our home, he understood things about me that nobody else can._

_He was the closest thing to a brother that I may ever know._

_I went back to the farm and sat down on the front porch; thinking about everything that had happened. Then I heard a car coming up the road and looked up. I smiled when I saw the car pull into the driveway._

_It was Lois._

_She got out of the car and I immediately rushed over to her and wrapped my arms around her; lifting her off the ground. She squealed with delight as I swung her around and passionately kissed her. After she pulled away, she asked me if everything was okay. _

_I heaved a sigh and set her back down on the ground. I took her hand and we started walking down the road as I told her everything that happened with Zod. When I was finished, she told me everything that happened with John Corben. _

_I didn't know how long we had been talking until I realized we were at Crater Lake. It was a beautiful night as we stood there on the dock holding hands and staring out at the water. Then Lois surprised me once again._

_She grabbed me by my jacket and pulled us into the lake._

_When we surfaced, I told her she was going to pay for what she just did. She smirked at the notion and pushed me back down. I came back up and lifted her into my arms, then jumped out of the water and back onto the dock. She looked up at me with wide eyes as I used my super-speed to remove our clothes. She asked what I thought I was doing and I replied that I had a fantasy about making love to her on this very dock._

_And that's exactly what I did. _

_*Closes book*_


	18. Journal Entry 18

_**JOURNAL ENTRY # 18**_

_**Kent Farm - Barn**_

_**5:00 A.M.**_

_Hi, Amber,_

_You won't believe what happened, Amber. Lois and I were both fired from the Daily Planet. That's right. The new Editor-in-Chief fired us. Now you're probably wondering what happened. Let me tell you about it._

_I was in the elevator and the doors were about to close when a cranberry covered arm slipped between the doors. I smiled as Lois parted the doors so she could slip inside, then they closed the doors behind her. I asked her if we were still on for our romantic dinner that night. She said, "Definitely," then there was silence for a moment. I couldn't help but notice a small box partially sticking out of her purse - so I asked what was in it. She had this coy smile on her face as she replied that it was a surprise. _

_I let it go at that, then decided to be a little bold and asked if she wanted a sneak preview. We looked at each other for a second, then I pulled her into one of the corners in the elevator and we made out until I heard the elevator stop. We quickly pulled away from each other just as the doors opened. She quipped that she swore I had more than two hands. Of course I couldn't help feeling very proud of myself because I know how much she loves my hands on her body - especially when I massage her b..._

_Never mind. I'm going off track again._

_As we stepped out of the elevator, I couldn't help but notice how the newsroom was even busier than usual. Lois must have read my mind because she said the same thing as we walked down the hallway. When I told her it had something to do with our new editor, she made a crack about how they should install a rotating door up there. As we came closer to our desks, she was saying something about how our 'illustrious owner' had spun some big wheel of fortune in the sky to see who would be steering the ship that week. Her voice trailed off as we arrived at our desks._

_There was only one desk where there used to be two. _

_Both our name plates were resting on top of it. Then we heard a voice that said that he pulled the lucky number that week. We both turned around to see who was talking and it turned out he was our new editor._

_Franklin Stern._

_I chuckled inwardly when he referred to Lois not only as a live wire, but charming and lovely. Now don't get me wrong. She is lovely and a live wire, but charming? This coming from the woman who couldn't even flirt her way past the policemen that were at the scene of the bus that exploded on my first day at the Planet. I couldn't stop myself from saying what came out of my mouth next._

_Miss Lane is an acquired taste._

_The look on her face when I said that told me that I would be in for it later, so I tried to make up for it by saying we've gone through a lot of editors ever since Tess went away. He said that the board just launched a global search for the next editor-in-chief and that he intended to make their decision very easy. He went on to say that he had been reading through the personnel files to identify any red flags._

_I didn't have a good feeling about this._

_He asked if we were 'entangled' in an inter-office relationship. We both said, "No," and moved away from each other. His tone of voice told me that he didn't believe us. Anyway, he went on to say that we were spending so much time out of the office trying to reel in the big fish that we weren't delivering the daily catch. I defended our actions by saying that we have both turned in some pretty big stories. That's when he said there was an even bigger story._

_He told us that the former DA, Ray Sacks, just had his life sentence reversed and was getting out of prison that day._

_This was definitely not good._

_Lois and I exchanged worried glances as he held up my nameplate in one hand and hers in the other. He went on to say that only one of them would stay on the desk at the end of the day. As he started to walk away, he handed us our nameplates and said one more thing._

_May the best reporter win. _

_I put out my arm to keep Lois from going after him. I immediately sat down at the computer with Lois looking over my shoulder as we started to do some research. She didn't know what was worse - freeing the DA that threw her off the roof, or our editor throwing us in the ring to wrestle for the desk. _

_I told her not to worry by saying that if we land a big enough story, we could save both our jobs._

_I mused out loud that Sacks must still have powerful friends down at City Hall. According to the underground blogs, he was having a welcome home party that night at some place called Maxwell's. Lois snidely remarked that crime kingpins liked to keep out outsiders and that it would be easier to crash a party at The White House than that party. She went on to say that we'd cover more ground if we split the work. I agreed with her as she was grabbing her coat. Then she said one more thing._

_Can't wait for tonight. _

_She gave me the smile that always makes me weak in the knees. I smiled back at her; then she left. Not long after, I went over to talk to Chloe at Watchtower. I said I knew that Lois would find a way to see Sacks before the party and that I had to find him first. I guess I sounded a little on edge because she replied by saying how she was using Oliver's money to upgrade security at Watchtower and also had a satellite trained on the Fortress because Zod now knew all about it. Actually, she referred to it as my zip code._

_*rolls eyes*_

_She said she understood my instinct about protecting the ones I love. I said wistfully that half of being in a relationship with Lois was protecting her from herself. Lois may know my secret, but I won't let that stop me from protecting her as much as possible. Chloe went on to say that Lois wasn't the only person Sacks was gunning for at the moment. _

_Sacks was offering a million-dollar reward for anyone who could supply an image of the Blur._

_I couldn't believe it. What the hell was with this guy and his obsession with my alter-ego anyway? Chloe replied that it could have something to do with the fact that I publicly disgraced him and threw him in prison. _

_When I remarked that maybe he had a favorite bar or restaurant, Chloe immediately walked over to the computer and found out the name of the place. It wasn't exactly a five-star restaurant._

_It was called Tony's Pizza._

_I immediately went over there and discovered that Sacks was about to get into his limousine and his bodyguard had his gun trained on Lois. I sped over and threw the bodyguard up into the air and watched as he landed on a table covered with all kinds of crap. Sacks quickly climbed into the limo and it took off down the street. Lois immediately started to come towards me, but I took off when I saw some guy loitering in the alley._

_A minute later, the guy was gone and Lois was standing there in the middle of the street. I had changed out of my Blur costume and came over to her. I tried to stay calm when I expressed my feelings about her taking chances like that, but she snapped back about how just because I was the Blur, it didn't mean she would deliberately put herself in harm's way. _

_She stopped talking for a moment and was quiet. I finally got a word in and said that sometimes she had a little too much blind faith. Then I asked her what if I wasn't there the next time to save her? What would she do then? _

_She stared at me in shock and retorted that she didn't need the Blur as a bodyguard 24/7. Then she walked away from me. _

_I just stood there and stared at her retreating form as she walked away._

_I was going to go to Watchtower and talk to Chloe, but decided that I didn't need a lecture. So I went back to the loft and plopped down on the couch. I had my hands in my head when something occurred to me. _

_She was going to crash Sacks party and get the story that way._

_I quickly sped back to the house and went to my bedroom. I blurred into my tuxedo and immediately headed for Maxwell's. While our former DA was making his speech about being charged with attempted murder, I scanned the room as well as listening for Lois. Then I heard Sacks say something that made me pause._

_So I understand you have something for me._

_I looked in his direction and saw that he was talking with the guy who was loitering in the alley. He was asking Sacks about his million dollars, and that's when I realized that the guy must have gotten a photograph of me. Before I could do anything, there was a drum roll. Now you won't believe who popped out of the cake._

_It was Lois._

_I stared at her in shock as she was helped out of the cake. She was wearing one of those costumes that the Playboy Bunnies wear - except it was a gold color. She was even wearing the bowtie and the bunny ears. I must confess that for a moment I had some very naughty thoughts about Lois and her bunny suit. _

_Maybe she could put it on after we make up._

_I called out her name and she stared at me with shock. She said my name, then promptly walked over and slugged me in the face. I held back my head a little so that she wouldn't hurt her fist. She promptly grabbed the guy's cell phone and dropped it on the floor; crushing it with her heel, then said she was sorry about his million dollars._

_That was the real reason why she crashed the party. She was protecting me._

_I immediately grabbed her and pulled her out of there, but not before dozens of photographers took the opportunity to photograph the whole thing for posterity. I couldn't super-speed out of there because there were too many people around, so we found her car and took off out of there; not stopping until we reached the farm. We were standing there on the porch face-to-face when my cell phone rang._

_It was our new editor. He wanted to talk to us._

_We both had a bad feeling as we drove back to the Planet and made our way to his office. At his "request" we sat down in front of his desk. Then he smacked the early edition of the Metropolis Inquisitor down on the desk._

_Planet reporters pull no punches._

_He was not happy when he said he had told us to find the story and not be the story. Then he told us to tell him what happened. Lois and I exchanged looks for a few moments. We both knew we couldn't tell him the real story. Then he jumped in and asked if we had a lover's spat. Lois of course said that we don't spat. I countered that we try not to let our personal lives get in the way of our jobs. _

_That's when he said we didn't have to try anymore and fired us._

_We were carrying boxes of our personal stuff as we walked away. Lois was ranting the entire time about giving three years of selfless service just to end up being fired. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to upset her any more than necessary. Then she asked me how I knew she was going to be there anyway?_

_I said it was because I knew her so well._

_She didn't say anything at all about that. Instead, she said that she needed some time to think. Once again I stood there in the street and watched as she walked away. Then Chloe called about ten minutes later and said she needed to show me something right away._

_I arrived at Watchtower a few seconds later and saw the image of Lois being abducted. It must have happened right after she walked away from me. Chloe admitted to having Lois followed in case she found Sacks before I did. When I asked her where Lois was taken, she replied she lost the car right after it entered a tunnel. _

_She went on to say that she did some digging and found out that right after the DA was let out of prison, that all of his new 'little' prison friends were transferred off the grid. I recognized the names of them because I had put every one of them behind bars. Only the Governor had that kind of influence. She asked me who threw the party for Sacks and I told her some tycoon named Maxwell Lord. She said he was the largest contributor to the Governor's re-election fund._

_I said that if Maxwell Lord wants the Blur, that's exactly who he'll get, then took off._

_I sped over to Maxwell's place and threw Sacks against the wall which knocked him unconscious. I stooped over him and found him clutching a black chess piece. It was the black king._

_Checkmate was behind the whole thing._

_I crushed it in my hand and immediately made my way downstairs to the secret laboratory. I found a number of unconscious people strapped to tables. _

_Lois was one of them._

_Maxwell Lord was standing next to Lois with his hand above her head. I yelled out to get away from her. He turned to me and responded by saying that we were past formal introductions. I started to walk towards them when he said he'd eviscerate every last thought in her head if I took one wrong step._

_I noticed an enclosed revolving platform in the center of the room. It was a 3-D hologram figure of a man in black. Even though it wasn't completed, I knew it was me. It was then that I realized that he was using their memories to learn my identity. I told him to let them go because they didn't know who I was. He agreed with me by saying that all they've seen was glimpses of my face because I've been careful, but said that Lois was the exception._

_He said that even unconscious, that her mind was protecting memories of me._

_I responded back by saying maybe there weren't any, but then he said that maybe the connection between us was stronger; stronger than the fear that binds me with the others. _

_Stronger...because of love._

_He turned back to Lois and held his hands above her head. There was this unearthly glow emanating from his hands. I stared in shock as Lois' body began to tremble. Then I saw it._

_A single tear rolled down her cheek._

_I immediately leapt through the air and through that revolving image; completely destroying it and knocking him down to the ground. I stood up and turned around to find him gone._

_I had no idea where he went._

_I walked over to Lois just as she was sitting up. I asked if she was okay as I helped her off the table. She was still in shock at what happened, so I lifted her up into my arms and super-sped us back to her apartment so that she could rest. I told her that I would understand if she wasn't up to having our romantic dinner, but she wouldn't hear of it. She said that we were going to have our romantic dinner because we earned it._

_Now that's the spitfire I know and love._

_A couple hours later, I was busy putting together the final touches for our romantic dinner. I stood there on the rooftop of the Daily Planet waiting for her to appear. The candlelight and the twinkling lights I had strung up highlighted her face as she stepped through the doorway and saw the linen covered table set for two. She fingered the single red rose I had placed in a vase and smiled up at me. I came over to her and took her hands in mine._

_I told her I was sorry about the argument we had about my always protecting her._

_She said I didn't need to apologize. She admitted that she has a tendency to jump feet first into any situation. It was part of her nature and she was not likely to change. Then she asked me a question that I didn't expect._

_Was she enough for me?_

_I had no doubt in my mind what my answer would be. I immediately told her that she was more than enough, then wrapped my arms around her and softly pressed my lips to hers. I pulled away after a few minutes and whispered a question of my own in her ear._

_I asked her if she could wear the bunny costume for me sometime._

_She looked up at me with a smile and slowly opened her coat._

_I just LOVE bunnies._

_*closes book*_


	19. Journal Entry 19

**_JOURNAL ENTRY # 19_**

**_Kent Farm - Loft_**

**_4:30 P.M._**

_I have a lot of news to share with you, Amber. The first bit of news is that Watchtower was destroyed; not the building itself, but the database. I'll tell you what Chloe told me. _

_She discovered that Tess had broken in to access information on the Kandorians. Tess had put two and two together when Chloe was kidnapped and realized that Chloe was the keeper of Watchtower. As Chloe and Tess struggled, the gun Tess stole from Chloe went off; causing the security measures within the database to trap both of them inside. _

_It also turned out that Checkmate was tracking Tess using a device that was implanted within her and was able to decrypt the data she had managed to download before the firewalls went up. The only way Chloe and Tess were able to escape was by shattering the steel of the front door using one of the bottles of liquid nitrogen that's used for the cooling system; otherwise the mainframe would melt._

_The second bit of news I have involves Zod. I found out that he wasn't the only Kandorian to have powers; his fellow Kandorians had them too. He also murdered Faora because he believed her to be a traitor; but in murdering her, he murdered his unborn child. He went on a rampage right after that and killed many Checkmate operatives because he blamed them for his unborn child's death. He reacted the same way as Lex would whenever something went wrong with one of his schemes._

_He put the blame on everyone else instead of himself. _

_There's a lot more to the story, but I would much rather share my biggest news with you. My mother came home for a surprise visit, but she didn't come alone._

_She came with her new boyfriend. _

_Yes, you're reading that right. I said, "Boyfriend." I confess I never thought my mother would ever date anybody after my father; considering that he was the love of her life. I just want her to be happy - and if her new boyfriend makes her happy, then I'm happy for her. Now you're probably wondering who she's dating. Well…she's going out with none other than Perry "the Pitbull" White. I'll give you a very brief synopsis, then get back to Mom's visit._

_I was a junior in high school when he came to Smallville to do a story on the first meteor shower for some paranormal TV show called X-Styles. At the time, my powers were on the fritz due to a comet crashing into the sun which caused massive solar flares. I was running to school when my super-speed gave out of me and I stopped in the middle of the road. I looked up and saw a car headed towards me. The car swerved to avoid me, then crashed into a utility pole. _

_I immediately rushed over and tore off the door, then pulled him out to safety. Unfortunately for me, he saw what I had done. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, so I thought I would be able to convince him that he was just seeing things._

_Much later on, my father asked me to lift the tractor so that he could try to fix it. I couldn't lift it on my first attempt - but when I tried again, it flew through the air. I don't know why I didn't run after it to catch it before it crashed - but in hindsight, it was a good thing because it crashed right near the bus stop where Perry White was waiting for the next bus out of town. If he had seen me catch it, I don't know what I would have done._

_I told him later when he showed up at the farm yet again that there was nothing special about me and maybe he should leave. I started to jog away from him when my Mom called for me, but my super-speed suddenly malfunctioned._

_Right in front of Perry White._

_He later put himself in a life-threatening position just to get me to save him using my powers. When I attempted to save him, I ended up also needing to be saved. It was only because of Lana and Pete that we survived. In a way, I was glad that my powers were malfunctioning at the time. It finally convinced him that there was nothing special about me._

_I drove him back to the bus stop. As we were walking to the bus, he told me that he had given up alcohol and was sober. I was really happy to hear that. He also told me he was going to contact a friend at the Daily Planet and finish the story he was afraid to write. I couldn't help but smile as I said that the world hadn't seen the last of Perry White. As he stepped onto the bus, he said he had read some more of my writing and that there was a lot of promise there. The last thing he said to me was to contact him if I ever needed anything because he owed me one, then he entered the bus; the doors closing on him. _

_That was the last time I saw him. Until now of course._

_I know I'm omitting a lot of details, but I really want to tell you about Mom's visit._

_I was in the barn fixing the tractor yet again when I got a call from Chloe. She told me that she just found some footage of Jor-El hiding the Book of Rao in the north wall of the house. I immediately sped over to the house and broke into the wall, but it wasn't there. She wasn't able to give me additional information thanks to Tess' break-in. Watchtower could barely run a game of Donkey Kong let alone an image-enhancement program. _

_I told her that if that book really did hold unlimited power, then we needed to find it. She mused that maybe both Zod and the Kandorians were trying to track - as she put it - the holy Rao grail before we did. I was about to respond when I heard a thud coming from the pantry. I hung up with Chloe and quietly walked over there. I reached out and grabbed the persons arm._

_It was Lois._

_I hadn't seen much of her in the last week or so since our romantic night on the roof, so you could say I was surprised to find her sneaking into my house looking for some food. I went over to her apartment several times to check up on her, but she was never there. She asked what I was thinking about if I couldn't recognize her butt in a pair of jeans._

_She was right of course._

_I told her that I've been distracted lately because of the Kandorians. She sympathized with me, but replied that our unemployment situation had gone to DEFCON 1. I tried to reassure her it wasn't a matter of life or death, but she replied that her phone just got turned off because the Planet stopped paying her cell bill and half her wardrobe was being held hostage at the dry cleaners. _

_She went on to say I was acting as if I was expecting her to save our unemployed 'derrieres.' She said she needed a purpose; some kind of bigger mission in life. She was clearly on edge and I just wasn't sure what to say. I finally said something, but it clearly was the wrong thing._

_I said I understood she was under a lot of stress and thought she was overreacting._

_She stared at me as if she couldn't believe what she had just heard. She replied, "To what? My life falling apart?" I could absolutely sympathize with her, but surely she could understand that I was under just as much stress as she was? Unfortunately, I opened my mouth and said the wrong thing yet again._

_Lois, just give me a break._

_She stared at me once again - but before either one of us could say anything more, I heard the front door open and the sound of a woman's laughter. I walked into the hallway and was shocked at who I saw walking through the door pulling a suitcase behind her._

_It was my Mom._

_She was surprised to see me. I walked over to her and we hugged. She thought I would be at the Planet and I replied I was working from home. I didn't want to hit her with the news the second she arrived home for a visit._

_In other words, I lied._

_I asked her what she was doing here. She quipped that did she really need an excuse to see her own son? She looked over my shoulder and saw Lois standing there. She said hi and hoped she would be able to stay for dinner because she had plenty for the four of us. _

_The four of us? The last time I checked, there were three of us. _

_Before she could respond to my question, a man was walking backwards as he was pulling a suitcase into the house. He wondered out loud why she needed so many clothes and that with his help, she wouldn't be wearing any-_

_His voice trailed off at that moment when he turned around and saw me. It was Perry White._

_Talk about awkward. _

_Mom nervously chuckled when she asked if I remembered him. Of course Lois immediately got excited when she realized it was the Perry White and immediately introduced herself while I brought Mom's suitcases to her old room. When I came back downstairs, she was nowhere in sight. I asked Lois if she knew where Mom had gone and Perry immediately spoke up and said she had gone back outside to get something from the car. I went outside, but didn't see her anywhere. I then realized where I would probably find her and headed in the direction of the barn._

_She was standing there staring at my Dad's old tool box. _

_I said that I thought about him every day and she started talking about how she and my father had their first date in the barn. She had made a surprise picnic but his truck broke down. I could hear the longing in her voice as she talked about him. _

_I walked over and said I was glad she made it home. She said the Senate broke early for recess, then admitted in a slightly shaky voice how she couldn't face the memories and how hard it was coming back. _

_I hugged her and told her how glad I was that she was here now._

_She hoped that I didn't mind Perry being there. She had run into him at a committee meeting a few months previously. I assured her it was okay as long as he didn't start looking for a story because I already had my hands full with the Kandorians._

_She told me how proud she was of me for everything I was doing to help my people. I admitted that it hadn't been easy. She smiled and said how she slept better knowing that I had somebody special in my life. She was particularly happy that it was Lois and that she knew my secret and was so accepting of it. _

_I smiled back at her, but at the same time I was thinking about the conversation I had with Lois before Mom showed up. We really needed to talk about it, but it would have to wait until later._

_Maybe after dinner._

_I left Mom in the barn as I headed back towards the house. My phone rang and it was Chloe. She told me that the Kandorians were still MIA. I told her I searched the entire farm for the Book of Rao and couldn't find it. She replied that her 'mini' Watchtower was actually pulling off a monster-wide web search. I then heard her sigh all of a sudden and asked what was wrong. Her voice paused for a moment - then replied that she had some bad news for me._

_She just got a Red Queen virtual smack down._

_I said it sounded like Checkmate, but she replied that the Red Queen wasn't a figure on Checkmate's board. She also told me about a rumor that her name has been filed under "big, bad nemesis." I came around the corner of the porch and saw Perry sitting there. When he waved me over, I said I'd be there as soon as I could because I was sort of being held hostage until after Mom's family dinner. I hung up and walked towards him as he stood up and asked me to sit down and join him in a drink._

_I thought he gave up alcohol._

_I glanced down at the drink that was on the table. He saw the look on my face and knew exactly what I was thinking. He assured me it was club soda and that he's been a teetotaler and an utter bore since the wake-up call I gave him years ago. I noticed some papers spread on the table and chuckled a little as I remarked how he was still chasing down stories. He said it was a little freelance project he was doing on the side. He hesitated a minute, then told me something I didn't expect._

_He was working on the story with Lois._

_I must have looked shocked because he said that he hoped he wasn't overstepping. I tried to hide my disappointment by saying, "No," then told him that there was a story she wanted my help on, but apparently she traded up for a more experienced partner. He chuckled a little as we sat down and said he would let me in on a little secret._

_Experience is overrated._

_He told me about the early years of his career when he lived out of a carry-on bag chasing every story that moved. _

_He was saving the world._

_When I said that was a big job for a simple reporter, he replied wistfully that it finally sunk in after two ex-wives and an ex-dog that what mattered most was having someone around to share your life with. I have to admit what he said struck a chord with me. Then he surprised me yet again._

_Someone like your Mom. _

_Just when I thought I'd had enough surprises today, he goes on to tell me that he was going to ask her to marry him and would like my blessing. _

_I felt bad for him because he was a good guy, but it was obvious from my earlier conversation with her that she wasn't over my Dad. I felt I needed to be honest with him, but I didn't want to come off as cruel. So I told him that I didn't want to get in the middle of anything, but that I wasn't sure she was gonna give him the answer he was looking for._

_He had a look of disappointment in his eyes - yet I could also see that he understood what I meant._

_I left him on the porch and went inside to find Mom preparing dinner and Lois about to set the table. I picked up some plates and started to place them on the table while I tried talking to her. I said we needed to talk, but then Mom came in. She started to ask us something when she stopped in mid-sentence and stared at the back door. We both looked over and saw what looked like my father carrying in logs for the fire. It wasn't him._

_It was Perry White wearing my father's jacket._

_He was walking towards us and asked who was up for a crackling fire. Mom abruptly walked away just as he came up to us. He asked what he did and I told him that he was wearing my Dad's jacket. _

_Once again I felt bad for him because he had no way of knowing._

_I didn't get a chance to talk with Lois about our earlier conversation or the story she was working on with Perry. I decided that it would have to wait until dinner and went upstairs to change my clothes for dinner._

_You could feel the tension in the air as we were eating dinner. All you could hear was the sounds of knives and forks scraping against the plates. Perry finally made a comment about what a spread it was and that Mom really outdid herself. Then he called her honey and patted her hand._

_Once again he put his foot in his mouth without realizing it. _

_Mom smiled about it, but was clearly uncomfortable about him calling her that. He then proceeded to ask us what it's like working together and dating. I said it was never better, but Lois remarked that it was like being on a chain gang with your ball and chain. We all laughed about it, but it was a nervous kind of laughter. I added that sometimes our job gets in the way, but we always worked it out. Lois turned to me and gave me one of her annoyed looks before responding to what I had said._

_Except when we don't._

_Once again, I chuckled nervously, then he brought up the engagement announcement. Lois nearly choked as Martha told him about having agreed to not bring it up, then called him dear. I tried to change the subject by saying how Lois and I got our signals crossed, but she said she didn't know how that "I do" slipped out. So I countered with that we were enjoying taking things slowly._

_Mom and Perry didn't need to know that Lois and I were already sleeping together._

_Mom thought it was nice to be a little old-fashioned. I replied that people are in such a hurry these days. Then Perry asked Lois how it was working out for her._

_She hesitated for a moment, then told Mom that we weren't working together at the Daily Planet and that we were fired._

_Both Mom and Perry stared at her in shock as she went on to say that she needed to find a way to make a difference with her life and that she needed to do it on her own. She excused herself, then got up from the table and walked away. I immediately followed her, but she said she was going to go home and that we would talk tomorrow. She dashed down the stairs and made her way towards Perry's car. _

_I was standing there when Perry and Mom came outside. He said, "Thanks for dinner," kissed her on the cheek, and said goodbye to me as he also dashed down the stairs. The both of us just stood there and stared as the car pulled out of the driveway._

_I guess he wasn't staying at the farm after all._

_We went inside and started clearing the table. She said the whole evening was a recipe for disaster and of course I said it was all my fault. I also told her that the last thing I wanted to do was ruin her weekend with Perry. She told me that he didn't leave because of me. She admitted that she thought she was ready, but maybe it was still too soon. _

_I told her that all I wanted was one weekend where things were the way they used to be, but she said we both had to face the fact that they weren't. I knew Lois was really worried about our lack of employment, but didn't realize how much until I found out about her working with Perry. I guess I was too distracted by the problems I was having with the Kandorians to really notice it. _

_We talked some more, then I left to find Faora's sister Vala. I figured that she might know something about the Book of Rao. I found her walking down a deserted street by herself, so I called out to her. She accused me of killing her sister and shifted into super-speed mode. I sped ahead of her and stopped in front of her. _

_You don't really believe that, do you?_

_She asked what I wanted and I said that I needed to know everything she knew about the Book of Rao. She told me it has all the knowledge and power of Rao and that it would destroy our life on Earth. _

_I asked her if Zod had it and she replied that he's cast a wide net but that someone called the Red Queen keeps blocking all of his moves. I asked if she knew who it was and she replied Tess Mercer._

_Tess Mercer was the Red Queen? _

_Vala super-sped away just as my phone rang. It was Chloe telling me that she was picking up a lot of high-level chatter about some meet and greet going down and at the top of the guest list was Lois Lane and Perry White. I asked who was hosting and she replied it was the Red Queen. I told her that Vala thinks the Red Queen is Tess' new handle. Chloe was worried that if this was Tess gone rogue, then Lois and Perry were about to get buried._

_I hung up and super-sped away to the location that Chloe told me about. I arrived just in time to see Lois on the roof holding onto a cable and Perry hanging from the end of it._

_Talk about Déjà vu._

_As he was dangling from that cable, he ended up hitting a marquee sign and knocked it down towards the ground. I caught it in time and dropped it as I sped off to the roof. I hid around the corner and watched with pride as Lois single-handedly pulled him to safety._

_She didn't need me to make a difference in this world._

_I sped off and caught a glimpse of a woman all dressed in red getting into a limousine. It started to take off, so I super-sped ahead of it and stopped it. I tore off the car door and demanded to know the location of the Book of Rao._

_I couldn't see the woman's face because she suddenly held up a piece of green-k that not only blinded me but caused me to weaken. I watched as the limo sped off and vowed that it wasn't over._

_I went over to Lois' apartment and knocked on the door. At first she wouldn't let me in, but finally opened it after about five minutes of my pounding on the door. I came in and asked if she was okay after her ordeal. She started to ask how I knew, but then remembered who she was talking to. When she asked why I didn't interfere, I replied that she did just fine all by herself._

_She couldn't help smiling back at me._

_I led her over to the couch and we sat down to talk. We talked about the conversation that we were having when Mom showed up. I apologized for not paying more attention to what she was going through and she apologized for the same thing. When I asked her about the story she was working on with Perry, she replied that he was looking for the Red Queen and had also showed her a computer rendering._

_It was the Book of Rao._

_Now I was the one who was surprised. She went on to tell me that the only reason she was working with him was to try to run interference for me so that he wouldn't find out anything about the book. _

_I was so proud of her and told her so._

_I told her what Vala told me about Tess supposedly being the Red Queen. She smirked and said it wouldn't surprise her one bit. In fact, she quipped how it was appropriate because Tess had red hair. _

_*laughs*_

_The next morning, I went over to Watchtower and asked Chloe if there was any sign of Tess Mercer because her reign as the Red Queen was about to end. She handed me a folder while telling me that Tess was being treated for cracked ribs at Met Gen at the same time I was being kryptonited by our secret majesty. _

_I asked her when Watchtower would be up and running because we still had to find the Red Queen. She remarked how she couldn't exactly call the Geek Squad and didn't have much time to do it. I said I've seen her overhaul it in one night and asked what the hold-up was._

_She replied that Watchtower was ready to go but she wasn't._

_I wasn't expecting her to say that. She then admitted that she found the footage of Jor-El hiding the Book of Rao months ago. I asked why she didn't told me and she said she was sorry because she had gotten tangled in her own world-wide web and lost track of what was important. She went on to talk about how she retracted into Watchtower when I disappeared from her life. She said that as she become Big Brother; actually more like Big Sister, she found it easy to think that having all the information was the same as having all the answers. She said that now that she had Ollie, she didn't want to be the eye in the sky anymore._

_She wanted to plug in to the real world._

_I told her that what she created here was bigger than both of us and would go on to serve future generations. When she replied how she wasn't the hero - I put my hands on her upper arms and told her that she may not be saving people from train wrecks or shoot-outs, but that she was just as much of a hero as the rest of us. I said we were on the brink of war and that the world needed her._

_I needed her._

_She smiled through the tears in her eyes, then turned around as she pressed a button on the remote and everything came back to life. She turned back to say that she wanted me to know that even when she hurt me, she was only trying to protect me. *eyeroll*_

_I glanced down at the folder on the table and saw the image of the Red Queen. I stared at it for a moment, then had a moment of clarity._

_I knew the identity of the Red Queen._

_I went home and found Mom taking a pie out of the oven. I looked at her like I had never seen her before. I said as I walked towards her that I couldn't believe that she had to go back to being Senator Kent today. She said that when it's just the two of us here, she was my Mom and nobody else's. When I expressed the wish that she would come back and visit more often, she replied that she had to let go of the farm for a while but that she never let go of me and that she would be back soon._

_I replied that maybe next time she could ease up on the kryptonite._

_She was a little startled at first, but then recovered enough to ask what I was talking about. I replied that she kept me in the house for dinner so her people could track down the Book of Rao. I went on to say that when she knew that Perry and Lois were on her trail, she had to throw them off the trail._

_You are the Red Queen._

_I asked her why she didn't come to me with all this and she said that she didn't want me in the line of fire. When I asked why she dragged him into it, she said she had no idea he was on the trail. She went on to say how he made her laugh and made her feel that everything was going to be okay, but she couldn't afford that luxury right now. I told her I was sorry, but I was going to need the Book of Rao because Jor-El left it here for me to save this planet. _

_It was what her and Dad raised me for. It was my destiny._

_She told me that they both trusted me to do the right thing. It seemed easier then; considering what I'm now up against. She said that when she went to Washington, there were forces working against me. She wanted to protect me, but she couldn't do it as Martha Kent._

_She became the Red Queen._

_She handed me a box that she pulled out of her briefcase and handed it to me. I opened it and saw the Book of Rao. She seemed upset as she turned away from me, so I asked her if she was okay. She said she told herself the world needed Clark Kent even more than she did, but the truth was that she was so afraid of losing me._

_I told her she wasn't going to lose me and that I would always be there for her._

_She said I didn't understand and told me that the Book of Rao can be used to transport the Kandorians to another plane of existence. I said it may be the answer we needed, but what she told me next sent shivers up my spine._

_If the Book of Rao is used to send the Kandorians away, all Kryptonians will be exiled from Earth._

_Including me._

_*Closes book*_


	20. Journal Entry 20

**_JOURNAL ENTRY # 20_**

**_Kent Farm - Loft_**

**_8:30 P.M_**

_Dear Amber,_

_I hate to tell you this, Amber, but this will be the last entry in my journal. Now you're probably wondering right now what the heck I'm talking about. I'll tell you the reason why in a little bit. In the meantime, let me start with the conversation I had with Mom._

_I was in shock when she told me the Book of Rao would not only transport the Kandorians to another plane of existence, but all Kryptonians. I wondered how on Earth she even know about the book in the first place, so I asked her. _

_She replied that Lionel left her the Kryptonian library in his will._

_I was very confused by this shocking turn of events. How else was I going to be able to get rid of Zod? I had absolutely no idea of what to do next. Then Mom suggested something that only a mother would say to her child._

_Take a nap and sleep on it._

_*chuckles*_

_She walked over to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek, then turned her attention back to the pie she had taken out of the oven when I came home. I decided that maybe she was right, so I went up to the loft and laid on the couch. I must have been tired because I fell asleep within a few minutes of lying down. I didn't sleep for long though because I had a really weird dream. Would you believe it if I told you I was flying while wearing a red and blue costume with a red cape billowing behind me?_

_At least I can fly in my dreams. _

_*sighs*_

_There was more to the dream than just flying. It started out with an old-fashioned plane pulling behind a banner announcing the Metropolis 2013 World's Fair. I saw Perry White as Editor-in-Chief, Lex running for President, and Jimmy alive. *smiles* But that wasn't the most incredible part, Amber._

_I was married to Lois._

_*smiles*_

_I heard Dr. Fate's words about my fate being utterly binding. I had goose bumps when I woke up as I sat up on the couch. The dream felt so real that I wondered whether or not it was a premonition. I happened to look up and saw a big gray box with a bow. I walked over and noticed a note tucked beneath the bow. I opened the envelope and found a note from Mom which said, "If you choose to stay." I immediately lifted the lid and couldn't believe my eyes at what laid there underneath a dark-red cape. It was the costume I saw in my dreams with my family's crest - in color._

_Maybe it was a premonition after all._

_I almost forgot to mention that we got our jobs back. Lois told me that Perry talked to our editor and convinced him to take us back. _

_I guess we're now even in the favor department._

_After he left, Lois found a note on her desk from Zod aka The Fake Blur. Would you believe it said "It's time for us to finally meet?" I didn't want her to go by herself, but she replied that he would put two and two together and realize we were on to him. _

_She was right of course. _

_While she waited for him on the roof of my crow's nest, I went over to talk to Chloe at Watchtower . She told me that everybody was mobilizing and were all out on the field. She started to say they were packing kryptonite weapons, but I beat her to it and said that all it was going to do was stall them. I went on to tell her that we were no match for the Kandorians even when we worked together and that it was only a matter of time before Zod commanded his soldiers to bring the world to its knees._

_Her response was to move on to plan A._

_I handed her the Book of Rao and she stared at it with awe. I told her that it wasn't a bible and that it was created by Jor-El to send the Kandorians to another world. A world they could call their own. She had a grin on her face as she prattled on about firing up the 'intergalactic subway token and sending our visitors on a fast train to Nirvana' as she put it. That's when I told her I couldn't do it. She looked up at me with confusion until I told her the rest._

_Once it's activated, it sends ALL Kryptonians to the new world._

_She stared at me in shock as I told her I knew my destiny was here. I talked about what Dr. Fate had seen of my future and about the trials that Jor-El had sent me on. I said I finally knew who I was and what I was meant to do here on Earth. I told her I wasn't leaving, then she turned around to face me and surprised me with her next words._

_No one wants to see you reach your true potential more than I do. _

_She went on to say that maybe all those trials were a preparation for me to make the ultimate sacrifice. I replied that if it was a trial, then why would my father skip out on a chance to give me a lecture?_

_Because this isn't a trial._

_I turned around to look at her as she went on to say that maybe Jor-El disappeared because I needed to make this last mile on my own. When I expressed the feeling that there was another way to save Zod, she told me that Jor-El didn't tell me to stay here to be our guardian. I asked her if she was saying it was selfish for me to save people._

_She said she couldn't imagine being in this world without me._

_She talked about how I inspired an entire team of heroes who will be here to protect us. She said that maybe my true purpose was to lead my own people. I didn't know what to say to that - but I knew there was only one place where I could get the answer._

_The Fortress._

_I called out to Jor-El as soon as I arrived and said I wouldn't save Zod; even though he wanted me to. I also said I wouldn't save him if it meant leaving everyone I promised to protect. I told him firmly that my destiny was here on Earth and that all my training was a waste if it was for another purpose. _

_I was staying._

_I asked him if there was another way to save Zod, but he remained silent. I wondered why he wasn't answering me. Then I saw the reason why._

_The console was destroyed._

_I stared at it in shock, then heard Zod's voice saying that Jor-El couldn't help me anymore. When I heard his voice, my first thought was that I hoped Lois was okay. When I turn around, he went on to say that his people were overtaking the planet and that I couldn't stop him._

_That's what he thought._

_When I said that he wanted war and that it didn't have to be like this, he replied that it was always like this. He was so full of himself when he said that might makes right and that only the strong survive. He actually had the nerve to tell me that I learned nothing from the natural world that I loved so much._

_*frowns*_

_I fired back that I've learned that no matter how much someone has hurt you or betrayed you; or how much it seems someone is evil - at their core, everyone was worth saving. He asked me what I was saving him from._

_From making another mistake like Faora._

_He came closer and asked if there was redemption for what he did and I said that it was never too late. He was skeptical as he asked how I would know._

_I said that I killed my own father._

_I told him that my Earth father warned me not to play God or to reach for power that wasn't mine; that I tempted fate and because of that he died._

_I told him to forgive himself._

_He was so smug as he said how my team with our kryptonite weapons were no match for his battalion. I told him that too many people would die and that he needed to end it now. I told him that he couldn't win and that I knew my destiny. He replied that he knew his - then took off into the sky._

_I watched as he disappeared into the night; thinking that I really need to learn how to fly. I looked around for a moment and that's when I saw somebody laying on the ground. I walked over and saw it was Tess. When I turned her over, I recoiled in shock at her appearance._

_Half of her face was burnt._

_I picked her up and immediately brought her to Smallville Medical Center. While I waited for Tess to wake up, I called Lois to make sure that she was okay. She told me all about her conversation with Zod, then I told her all about the one I had with him. _

_I had to hang up when I saw that Tess was beginning to wake up. The first words out of her mouth were that she was so sorry. She admitted to having tracked Corben to locate the Fortress and that she only did it to save me from Zod._

_I told her I had the Book of Rao, but couldn't use it because Zod destroyed the console in the Fortress. That's when I received yet another surprise._

_She told me I didn't need the Fortress._

_I have to admit I was a bit confused by her revelation. She went on to tell me that when the Kandorians were building the Rao Tower, they had put together crystals as an energy source when they were trying to turn the sun red. She thought that the crystals would power the Book of Rao._

_I couldn't believe my ears, so I told her I couldn't use it because I destroyed those towers. She then revealed that she pulled it from the rubble and moved it to my crow's nest above the city. She said that this was her last chance to atone for her sins. Her last words to me were that _

_I was the only one who could save us and that I had run out of time. Then she said one more thing._

_She said, "The war has already begun."_

_My mind was spinning from all the revelations I had heard in the last hour. I decided that I needed to clear my mind before I made my final decision; even if it was just a few minutes. So I went back to the farm and sat out on the porch swing and closed my eyes for awhile. Then I felt something soft on my cheek. _

_I opened my eyes to find Lois sitting next to me._

_I smiled at her and pulled her close to me; her head resting on my shoulder. I told her what Tess told me and about the decision I had to make. She sat up and asked me if I was really considering leaving. I stared into her hazel eyes and said with a heavy heart that I didn't see any other alternative._

_She stood up and walked over to the porch railing; resting her hands on top of it. I could see her shoulders rise up and down as she took a deep breath to calm herself. I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. She turned around and gazed up at me; her eyes blinking a couple times in an attempt to keep herself from crying, but one tear managed to escape. I wiped it away with my finger and caressed her cheek. Then she slipped out of my arms, took my hand, and led me upstairs to my bedroom._

_We loved each other for the last time._

_I slipped out of bed and changed back into my clothes, then softly kissed Lois' cheek and headed on over to Watchtower. I walked in just in time to hear Hawkman say that we should move now and cause some pain._

_I responded, "At what cost?"_

_They all turned around and watched as I talked about Carter being able to come back after he dies, then about the others on both sides. I said that the Kandorians have been led astray by Zod and I didn't want to see them die any more than I wanted to lose any one of them. _

_I will use the Book of Rao to send them all away._

_I turned away from the screen and looked at Chloe and Oliver. I could see Chloe's eyes glistening when I said I made my decision. I said that once I lead my people to another world, I would never be able to come back. Everybody on screen tried to convince me not to do it, but I replied that it was the only peaceful way to eliminate the threat; without a war, a war that no one will win._

_I went on to say that even though there will be other threats to mankind, that the world would need them and that they would have to work together to become the team they were meant to be. I told them I once believed that my destiny was here on Earth, but that now they needed to accept that destiny for me._

_John Jones nodded his head in agreement, Dinah said I was right, and Victor replied that we would protect the world as one. I told them all that it had been my honor to serve alongside each and every one of them. Hawkman was the last one to speak and said the honor was theirs; resting his fist on his shoulder. The rest of the team repeated his gesture. I looked over at Chloe, but all she could say was that she was proud of me, then immediately walked out of the room. I started to go after her, but Oliver interrupted. _

_He told me that I had to let her go._

_He went on to say that she was trying to be strong; but when your oldest friend leaves forever, there was really no way to say goodbye. _

_After I said my final goodbyes, I went back to the farm and went up to the loft. I knew that Lois would be there and sure enough there she was sitting on my old trunk. I came over to her and told her I need to tell her something right then - and if I didn't tell her then, I never would._

_I told her that my whole life had been full of relationships that had ended too soon. I told her when I went away the previous fall, I had felt so lost. I turned around to face her and said that when I returned to the bullpen, she was there waiting for me. I walked around her as I talked about her jumping out of her seat and throwing her arms around me. I talked about how her eyes sparkled when she smiled. I said I knew. _

_I just knew that she was the one that I've always needed._

_I took her hands in mine and said that I needed her to know that before I had to leave - but the look in her eyes told me there was something else on her mind. I asked her what it was, and she said Perry White's name._

_He offered her a job at the foreign desk in Kenya._

_I stared at her in shock, then walked over to the window and stared out of it for a moment. I turned back around and tried not to let my emotions show as I said that her leaving Metropolis was the best thing for her right now._

_I pulled her into my arms and we held each other for the last time. I lowered my voice and whispered that wherever she was, that I would be watching over her._

_I'll be thinking of you._

_I reluctantly let her go; watching as she walked down the stairs and out of my life forever. After I heard her footsteps fade away, I sat down at my desk; lost in thought. I decided right then and there to leave her my journal for safe keeping. I couldn't just leave it to her without a reason why, so I wrote a letter for her to read after I was gone. I wish I had the time to tell her in person all the things I wrote in the letter, but there just wasn't enough time. _

_*sigh*_

_Well, Amber, this is it. I have to go back to my crow's nest and find the console so I can activate the Book ofRao. It sounds silly to thank something that's not real, but I can't help it. Having you to write my thoughts and feelings in means more to me than you'll ever know._

_Thank you, Amber._

_Clark_

**_LETTER TO LOIS:_**

_Dear Lois,_

_You probably recognize this book that you've found along with this letter. It's the journal you gave me for my birthday right after my father passed away. It was only when we started dating that I started to write some of my deepest thoughts and feelings. I'm leaving it to you for safekeeping because I know you'll take good care of it. I remember you saying back then that you thought it may help; considering how I tend to keep things to myself _

_You were right - as usual. _

_*smiles*_

_I hope I told you enough times while we were together how much I love you. If I didn't, then let me rectify it for you._

_I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU_

_By the time you read this letter, I'll be in another world along with the rest of the Kandorians. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. It breaks my heart to leave you, but I have to sacrifice my own happiness in order to save the world. I'll have to spend the rest of my life missing your beautiful face. I'll miss waking up in the morning with you in my arms. I'll even miss how much you love to tease me about my penchant for red and blue - not to mention the flannel plaid shirts which look much better on you because they show off your long, shapely legs._

_Stop rolling your eyes. You know I'm a leg man - among other things. _

_*winks*_

_There are other things I'll never get to do that break my heart whenever I allow myself to think about them. I'll never be able to get down on one knee and ask you to marry me. I'll never see our first child take their first breath. I'll never hold our first grandchild. So many moments I'll never get to experience with you. _

_*wipes tear away*_

_There are some things I need you to do for me. One of them is taking care of Shelby. I know that even though you sneeze a lot when you're around him, you love him just the same. He loves you too - otherwise he would never jump on you and lick your face every time you walk through the door. _

_*chuckles*_

_Please tell Chloe that she was the best friend I could have ever hoped for and that I'm so sorry for not being there for her when Jimmy died. Give her a hug and tell her it's from me. Just between us, however, YOU are the best friend I ever had. _

_Tell Oliver that I'm forever grateful for his friendship and that he was the one who made me realize that there was more to life than just the farm. You don't have to kiss him, but a hug will suffice._

_I hope you'll continue to stay close to Mom because you're going to need her now more than ever. I know how much you love her - and she's always thought of you as the daughter she never had. I've already said goodbye to her, but feel free to give her another hug and tell her it's from me._

_There's more I would love to say to you, but I have to leave now to face Zod and the rest of the Kandorians. There's just one more thing I need to tell you before I forget._

_I love you._

_Your Smallville_

_OXOXOXOX_

_PS: Enjoy the maple donuts I left for you on the kitchen table. I know you love them. _

**_TO BE CONCLUDED..._**

_**A/N:** I bet you didn't expect it to end that way, huh? *grins* Just so you know, I am currently writing the conclusion to this entry and hope to have it done by the end of the week. I didn't want to say Journal Entry #20 - Part 1 at the beginning because I wanted it to be a surprise. I may also have a surprise waiting for you at the end of Journal Entry #20 - Part 2 (Conclusion) - but that's my secret for now. *winks*_


	21. Journal Entry 20 Conclusion

A/N: I want to thank Linda aka superlc529 for being my Beta on this story. Her constructive comments helped to make not just a better story, but me a better writer. Thanks again, Linda.

I also want to thank 'S' for...well...you know. I don't think I really need to spell it out for you - but if you think I should, then I'll tell you later when we talk tonight. *winks*

When I started this journal, it was my intention to write short entries about Clark's thoughts and feelings. It turned into so much more than that. I would love to continue it, but I feel this is a good stopping point. I hope you've all enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. So without further ado, here's the final entry of _The book of my life (Clark's Journal). _

PS: This is the 700th post for this story _and _my 6,543rd post. Yay me. *grins*

_**JOURNAL ENTRY # 20 (Conclusion)**_

_**Kent Farm - Loft**_

_**10:00 P.M.**_

_Dear Amber,_

_I know you're probably surprised to hear from me again, but you won't believe what happened with Zod. Let me tell you about it._

_I went to the roof and located the stone pedestal that Tess told me about. I looked at it for a moment, then tore off the basin and found the console. It was just as Tess described. There was an indentation in the center of it that was the exact same size as the Book of Rao. I took a deep breath, then reached into my pocket for the disk. I was surprised to find it gone. How could I have lost it? Then I realized what happened to it._

_Lois must have taken it when we hugged._

_I supposed I could have gotten annoyed with her for taking it, but I couldn't really blame her. I like to think that I would do the same thing if the roles were reversed. Now I had to find her and get the disk back._

_I just had to figure out where she went._

_I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes; tuning out all the sounds with the exception of Lois' heartbeat. I smiled when I realized where she was._

_She was at 'our' phone booth._

_I super-sped away and showed up just in time to find Zod throwing her towards our phone booth and a truck filled with tulips. I quickly super-punched him into the air, then quickly caught Lois before she could smash through the glass. I gently laid her down on the ground amongst the tulips that had fallen to the ground_

_She started to stir before I could retrieve the Book of Rao, so I automatically super-sped away. I stood in the shadows and watched as she got up and looked around. Then she turned in my direction and saw me standing there._

_She asked me to forgive her for taking the disk._

_When I didn't answer, she turned back around and held the Book of Rao behind her. She asked me to say something; anything. So I took her hand and pulled her into my arms and kissed her. It was the most passionate kiss Lois and I have ever shared. Then I reluctantly pulled my lips away from her and super-sped away._

_I miss her already._

_I returned to the console and was about to insert the disk when Zod showed up. I told him he couldn't stop me because we were leaving this planet. He replied with a smirk that he wasn't going anywhere and neither were his fellow Kandorians. That's when they all appeared in the sky and landed on the roof._

_I had no idea how I was going to fight all of them by myself._

_I retorted that having others finishing a fight that he started only proved what a coward he was. He replied that his soldiers knew he has never wavered in the face of death. Then he hit me with a low blow._

_He said that all I've ever done was to hide in the shadows._

_I decided to strike back. I raised my voice and said that he hid the truth from his fellow soldiers. I told them all that the Book of Rao would not destroy us and that it would lead us to a better place; another planet where we can live in peace and could build a new home._

_Krypton will live again._

_He said my statement was just another one of my deceits and that they all knew where my allegiance lies. I struck back again and asked him about his deceptions. I said if they knew the truth, they'd never follow him._

_He defended himself by saying that his men willingly follow him. Then I said, "What about Faora?" turning to look at her sister. I went on to say that all she wanted was to leave him and he said it was a lie. I said she paid for it with her life and he declared that she should have never trusted me. That's when I hit him with a low blow._

_I declared that she wasn't the only one who paid the price._

_He got so angry that he grabbed me and pushed me up against the wall. He lowered his voice and whispered in my ear that Faora was a traitor, then said, "Do you think I wanted to kill my own child?" I looked up at his followers and that's when Zod realized his mistake._

_He forgot that his followers also had super-hearing._

_I barely concealed a smirk as he looked at his followers. He said to her sister that Faora was a traitor. She stared at him in shock, then tore off her arm band._

_He tried to convince them that Faora would have betrayed them all, but they no longer listened to him; one by one they started ripping off their arm bands. Her sister rushed towards him, but one of the other soldiers stopped her by saying they would deal with him once they were on their own soil. Then her sister turned to me._

_Kal-El, take us home._

_I walked over to the console and held the disk over the center. The disk floated out of my hand and into that indention. The disk turned red, blue and yellow. A bright light emanated from the console and shot straight into the air. I watched as one by one the Kandorians ascended into the light and disappeared as it began to rain. When I didn't ascend with the others, I looked over to see Zod standing there._

_He was holding a Blue Kryptonite dagger._

_He said he wasn't going anywhere, so I immediately rushed over and grabbed him by the collar and angrily said that he knew that Blue Kryptonite would prevent him from ascending like the others. You won't believe his response._

_Better to rule in hell than to serve in Heaven._

_We started to fight as the rain continued to pour down on us. I threw off my trench coat just before he said that he wanted to see if I could fight like the humans I love so much. We threw each other all over that rooftop. He kept thrusting that dagger at me; leaving cuts in my skin. At one point, he lost the dagger; but when I tried to reach for it, he hit me in the face with a rock._

_I responded with the most powerful punch I've ever thrown in my life sans any super-strength._

_He fell to the ground seemingly in slow motion; then he got up and kicked me through a stained glass window. I fell to the ground as he jumped through that same window; the dagger raised up in the air. I managed to roll over just as that dagger pierced the ground. I got up and grabbed his wrist as he tried to thrust the dagger into my chest. He declared that unlike me, he would lead from a throne and not from the shadows. He went on to say that every human; including the woman I love, would..._

_Kneel before Zod._

_I noticed I was right at the edge of the roof, then made a decision of my own. I fought back by saying that he already destroyed my first home and that I wouldn't let him take this one._

_I let Zod stab me with the dagger into my stomach._

_My eyes locked with Zod as I started to fall backwards. The smug expression on his face quickly turned to horror when he realized that I had just beaten him at his own game. I watched as he rose into the light emanating from the Book of Rao. I continued watching until he was gone and the light abruptly ended._

_They say that when you're about to die; that your life flashes before your eyes. I've died a few times and that never happened. This time was different. I didn't think about my parents. I didn't even think about my friends. There was only one person I thought about._

_Lois._

_I hit the ground with a thud; the dagger sticking out of my stomach. Now you'd think that my body would have been smashed to pieces after falling such a long distance. After all, I didn't have my powers. I wish I had an explanation for it, but I don't._

_My mother would call it a miracle._

_I opened my eyes; but instead of lying on the street, I was lying in a corn field. I got up and saw a replica of the cross that I was strung up on when I was chosen as the 'scarecrow' during my freshman year of high school. The next thing I saw was a tombstone with the name 'Kent' engraved on it. Then I heard the voice of Jor-EL call my name. When I asked him if I was dead, he said I was teetering on the abyss between life and death. That was why he was still able to reach me. I wondered out loud why he would show me my father's grave. I knelt down before it and pushed the leaves aside. It wasn't my father's grave after all._

_It was mine._

_Jor-El said after I died, that this stone would be all that was left of me in the world. I replied that I died to save the world. His response was that evil never ends and that by sacrificing myself; I left the humans vulnerable to future threats._

_I couldn't believe my ears. I saved the world and yet that wasn't enough for him? I even left a team of heroes to protect him; which is what I told him._

_According to him, I was meant to be Earth's great protector. He also said they were about to face the greatest evil without me._

_I called out to him to send me back and that I knew my fate; to step into the light and be a symbol of hope for them._

_He was very condescending when he said he told me to rule with strength; instead choosing the 'martyr's' path. Then he asked what made me think I deserved a second chance? I declared that I could do it; that I could be their hero._

_That's when I smashed my fist on top of the gravestone; causing cracks to run through it._

_There was thunder and lightning for a moment, then utter silence. I called out Jor-El's name, but he didn't respond. I yelled out to let me fight this evil like I've always have; to send me back. I turned around when I suddenly heard footsteps in the cornfield coming from another direction. I stared in shock when I saw a man dressed in white appear before me._

_It was Lex._

_There was a flash of light and he was gone. A second later, I was back lying on the street in Metropolis. I slowly opened my eyes to the most beautiful sight I've ever seen._

_It was Lois with her arm around my shoulders._

_I stared up at her tear-stained face, then saw the dagger in her other hand. She tossed it away, then lightly punched me on the shoulder and told me never to die on her like that again._

_I smiled and told her I'd do my best._

_She helped me to my feet just as the sun was beginning to shine; prattling on about how could the sun be out when it was supposed to be 9:00 in the evening. *chuckles* As she continued to talk, I held my face up to the sun; my eyes closed as the rays of the sun penetrated my body and healed the stab wound in my stomach._

_I opened my eyes and lifted her up into my arms and super-sped us back to Smallville. Now you're probably thinking that Lois had another tour of Clark Kent's galaxy. Well, that wasn't what happened; at least not right away. *winks*_

_I stopped running about a mile away from the farm and set her down so that we could have a nice leisurely walk. As we made our way down that road, I told Lois everything that Jor-El told me. After I finished, she remained quiet for a moment - then responded in typical Lois fashion._

_That's totally retarded._

_I stared at her for a moment - then burst out laughing. She joined me in my laughter a moment later. We continued to laugh as we walked down that road in the rain holding hands._

_I was laughing with the one I love._

_I didn't know what would happen next in my life - but as we continued walking, I looked over at Lois and thought how lucky I am to have found someone so warm and feisty. She is not only my best friend, but my soul mate._

_She is the book of my life._

_**THE END**_

_**THE BOOK OF MY LIFE - STING**_

_Let me watch by the fire and remember my days_  
_And it may be a trick of the firelight_  
_But the flickering pages that trouble my sight_  
_Is a book I'm afraid to write_

_It's the book of my days, it's the book of my life_  
_And it's cut like a fruit on the blade of a knife_  
_And it's all there to see as the section reveals_  
_There's some sorrow in every life_

_If it reads like a puzzle, a wandering maze_  
_Then I won't understand 'til the end of my days_  
_I'm still forced to remember,_  
_Remember the words of my life_

_There are promises broken and promises kept_  
_Angry words that were spoken, when I should have wept_  
_There's a chapter of secrets, and words to confess_  
_If I lose everything that I possess_  
_There's a chapter on loss and a ghost who won't die_  
_There's a chapter on love where the ink's never dry_  
_There are sentences served in a prison I built out of lies._

_Though the pages are numbered_  
_I can't see where they lead_  
_For the end is a mystery no-one can read_  
_In the book of my life_

_There's a chapter on fathers a chapter on sons_  
_There are pages of conflicts that nobody won_  
_And the battles you lost and your bitter defeat,_  
_There's a page where we fail to meet_

_There are tales of good fortune that couldn't be planned_  
_There's a chapter on God that I don't understand_  
_There's a promise of Heaven and Hell but I'm damned if I see_

_Though the pages are numbered_  
_I can't see where they lead_  
_For the end is a mystery no-one can read_  
_In the book of my life_

_Now the daylight's returning_  
_And if one sentence is true_  
_All these pages are burning_  
_And all that's left is you_

_Though the pages are numbered_  
_I can't see where they lead_  
_For the end is a mystery no-one can read_

_In the book of my life._


End file.
